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Eventually you will find that it is time to leave the hospital. No matter the decisions you made while in the hospital, there comes a time when your stay is up. With nurses preparing your discharge papers, you may be wondering how to go about this difficult situation. Thinking about it before it is actually upon you may make it go over easier for all involved.
First and foremost, you need to look at both your state laws and the rules of the hospital involved. In states where the Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) cannot be signed before the 72 hour waiting period has passed, mothers and children will be discharged from the hospital before the TPR has been signed in most situations. As an example, most mothers are discharged 48 hours (two nights) after a vaginal birth. Depending on your insurance, your stay may be shorter. (In the case of a cesarean delivery, your stay will be longer.) Knowing this information, you then need to decide on one of the following decisions.
Will your baby:
- Go home with you while you wait to sign the TPR.
- Stay with a foster family during the interim.
- Go home with the adoptive family despite the fact that you have every right to make the decision to parent.
Many parents opt for the latter, figuring that if they do make the decision to sign the TPR that they want their child to have spent their at home time with the family raising them, to allow that additional time for bonding. State laws vary, however, and knowing what your state mandates in these cases is vitally important.
As far as your hospital’s rules, it is also equally important to know what they mandate. As an example, as I was discharged 48 hours after my daughter’s birth, a full day before I was legally allowed to sign the TPR, our hospital would not allow the adoptive parents to walk out of the hospital with the Munchkin. Instead, I had to carry her out of the hospital, hand her over to the adoptive family and walk to my own car. We did not know that until about five minutes before we had planned on leaving. It created some hysteria on virtually everybody’s part. Knowing how the hospital handles such situations will hopefully help avoid such negativity.
Technical rules aside, I would suggest that you have someone with you to help you get into your clothes, out of the hospital, into the car and back to your home. Even if you have spent the majority of your pregnancy in hiding, having someone help with the transportation takes a load of weight off of your shoulders. The healing process can be slow or it can be fast but if you push yourself too hard, you’ll pay for it physically the next morning. (Trust me. As someone who moved six days after delivering a baby, I can tell you that pushing yourself too hard is not a good idea.)
I also encourage you to take anything from the hospital that was your child’s memento. The name card, the baby hat and anything else that you are allowed to take with you. While the adoptive parents may want these items, they are yours. You are the mother at this point in time and, as such, these things should go to you. Take them and treasure them.
Some birth and adoptive parents like to have a ceremony as or just after they leave the hospital, choosing a home, church or park as a nicer place to do such a thing. For some it provides a beautiful transition from one family to another. Discuss this topic with the adoptive family if you feel this is something that you would like for your family.
