Comments on: Just a Bit of Empathy Again http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:02:45 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: txmom http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again/comment-page-1#comment-2342 txmom Sat, 24 May 2008 12:41:37 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/21/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again#comment-2342 I know my daughter's bmom loved her because she tried to get her and the siblings back from foster care. She never did follow the plan, such as stay off drugs, stay away from the convicted child molester, miss visits, ect. <br /> <br /> The love that she has didn't mesh with the ability to protect and nurture her children. My daughter was left alone for almost 2 days with (at age 2) with her 5 year old brother. THey went hungry and were afraid. The first report of abuse was when she was less than 1 day old in the hospital. The nurses reported the drug use and 'visitors'. One of her children has brain damage due to abuse/neglect.<br /> <br /> I know she feels love, but something is missing. I don't know what. I know my daughter’s bmom loved her because she tried to get her and the siblings back from foster care. She never did follow the plan, such as stay off drugs, stay away from the convicted child molester, miss visits, ect.

The love that she has didn’t mesh with the ability to protect and nurture her children. My daughter was left alone for almost 2 days with (at age 2) with her 5 year old brother. THey went hungry and were afraid. The first report of abuse was when she was less than 1 day old in the hospital. The nurses reported the drug use and ‘visitors’. One of her children has brain damage due to abuse/neglect.

I know she feels love, but something is missing. I don’t know what.

]]> By: Chance http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again/comment-page-1#comment-2341 Chance Thu, 22 May 2008 22:39:01 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/21/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again#comment-2341 Hi Jenna - Thank you for taking a minute to think about Foster Care. It is not an easy job we do, but we do it b/c we want to care for these children. A loss of a child is STILL a loss of a child. There are many days that I think about and feel bad for my foster (and adoptive) children family, even beyond the reason for them being in care.<br /> <br /> I have two foster boys (twins) who have been with me for 14 months and we are going to adopt them. But thier birth mother has a slight mental delay that left her functioning at a 14 year old level (and some ways lower). but she had her boys for almost 2 years. She never abused them, neglected them. She loved them with everything in her. She just was not able to mentally raise them (which as a result left them delayed as well). She just had a baby on Friday and has also lost that baby too. It's hard. Hi Jenna – Thank you for taking a minute to think about Foster Care. It is not an easy job we do, but we do it b/c we want to care for these children. A loss of a child is STILL a loss of a child. There are many days that I think about and feel bad for my foster (and adoptive) children family, even beyond the reason for them being in care.

I have two foster boys (twins) who have been with me for 14 months and we are going to adopt them. But thier birth mother has a slight mental delay that left her functioning at a 14 year old level (and some ways lower). but she had her boys for almost 2 years. She never abused them, neglected them. She loved them with everything in her. She just was not able to mentally raise them (which as a result left them delayed as well). She just had a baby on Friday and has also lost that baby too. It’s hard.

]]> By: deb donatti http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again/comment-page-1#comment-2340 deb donatti Wed, 21 May 2008 21:23:59 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/21/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again#comment-2340 Actually I should clarify that one of the 4 was not in the foster system, but was adopted (a closed adoption) by her step-father. <br /> This niece is now of age, and even a mother herself, but our family is still waiting for her parents to even spring the news that she was adopted to her.<br /> ugh<br /> Sorry for hijacking your post. Actually I should clarify that one of the 4 was not in the foster system, but was adopted (a closed adoption) by her step-father.
This niece is now of age, and even a mother herself, but our family is still waiting for her parents to even spring the news that she was adopted to her.
ugh
Sorry for hijacking your post.

]]> By: deb donatti http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again/comment-page-1#comment-2339 deb donatti Wed, 21 May 2008 21:09:17 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2008/05/21/just-a-bit-of-empathy-again#comment-2339 Far to many parents have done nothing more than be ill prepared to parent, and had children removed. Often others in the extended family are not fairly considered to care for the child as they should be. I speak from experience here. How about feeling like a failure as an entire family? <br /> My own brother lost 4 to the foster system, a system that is in need of major changes to be truly protecting of all involved. My husband and I were refused custody of them for no good reason we could uncover, and there were many others in the extended family who could have and would have raised my nieces and nephews. The system did nothing to help us and turned us away at every attempt. The oldest of the 4 aged out of foster care at 18 last year. He was adopted all right, but ‘returned’ to foster care a year later because his adoptive family could not deal with his grief and rage (no doubt over the loss of his parents and entire family.) He spent the next 11 year in and out of 17 different foster placements! All this while we thought he was being loved in his adoptive home, of course much better than what the state felt WE could have provided! What really resulted was a severely detached and sociopathic young man, who is already breaking the law and will now be an adult burden on the ‘system.’<br /> I don't know if you recall the posts I did about reuniting with that nephew, who found me last December. Honestly it did not begin to capture the sadness I feel over how his life has turned out. I believe if he had been allowed to come home, even to aunts, uncles or other relatives, perhaps his life would not be the mess it is now. Sometimes the foster system creates more problems than it resolves.<br /> Yes there are many wonderful foster parents, and the work they do is needed for so many children who have little else to protect them. Children should be protected from abuse, unfortunately this is not always what happens though.<br /> <br /> Here are the links to that story...<br /> <br /> http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-not-knowing-is-over-sort-of<br /> <br /> http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/sadly-it-didn-t-take-a-psychic-to-predic<br /> Far to many parents have done nothing more than be ill prepared to parent, and had children removed. Often others in the extended family are not fairly considered to care for the child as they should be. I speak from experience here. How about feeling like a failure as an entire family?
My own brother lost 4 to the foster system, a system that is in need of major changes to be truly protecting of all involved. My husband and I were refused custody of them for no good reason we could uncover, and there were many others in the extended family who could have and would have raised my nieces and nephews. The system did nothing to help us and turned us away at every attempt. The oldest of the 4 aged out of foster care at 18 last year. He was adopted all right, but ‘returned’ to foster care a year later because his adoptive family could not deal with his grief and rage (no doubt over the loss of his parents and entire family.) He spent the next 11 year in and out of 17 different foster placements! All this while we thought he was being loved in his adoptive home, of course much better than what the state felt WE could have provided! What really resulted was a severely detached and sociopathic young man, who is already breaking the law and will now be an adult burden on the ‘system.’
I don’t know if you recall the posts I did about reuniting with that nephew, who found me last December. Honestly it did not begin to capture the sadness I feel over how his life has turned out. I believe if he had been allowed to come home, even to aunts, uncles or other relatives, perhaps his life would not be the mess it is now. Sometimes the foster system creates more problems than it resolves.
Yes there are many wonderful foster parents, and the work they do is needed for so many children who have little else to protect them. Children should be protected from abuse, unfortunately this is not always what happens though.

Here are the links to that story…

http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-not-knowing-is-over-sort-of

http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/sadly-it-didn-t-take-a-psychic-to-predic

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