Birth Parents Blog, First Parents Blog - Judge's Ruling: Don't Lie

02/15/08

Judge's Ruling: Don't Lie

Posted by : Jenna Hatfield in Birth-First Parent Blog at 10:08 am , 394 words, 759 views
Categories: Current News, Ethics

An update to my previous post: the ruling came down just this morning. The baby is to be removed from the adoptive parents and returned to the agency. For now, the agency plans to place the baby with the biological mother's own parents as she files her own suit to gain custody. She has filed a petition to overturn the Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). And, quite frankly, it sounds as if the TPR will be overturned with this quote coming out of this morning's court.

And Rogers said the Veselys violated the trust of the 22-year-old biological mother, who no longer supported the placement.

I'm sorry. I'm over here doing fist pumps.

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure that couple is going through an immense amount of pain this morning. I'm sure they are regretting the decision to hide the pregnancy instead of being up-front and honest. I'm sure that their hearts are breaking as they prepare to say goodbye to this child that they have loved and cared for over a three month period. While I strongly disagree with everything they did to "get" this child, I do have compassion for their loss. I know loss.

SPONSOR

http://www.omnitrace.com/Birth-Family.html

And I do have worries for this child, of course. Bonding can be tricky business when you're being passed back and forth. I can only hope that the love and caring about to be provided by his biological family will make the transition somewhat easier. My heart does fully go out to this child during this very hectic time.

But I can't help but to be pleased.

This case gained national attention. And people have been witness to the fact that lying is no way to get a baby. The expectant mother considering placement has a right to choose the family who parents her baby and if they lie to her about who they are or what they bring to the table, their adoption is in jeopardy.

I can only hope now that the judge will look favorably upon this mother and restore her parental rights. Whatever the outcome, I hope this child will feel the love his family has for him and adjust well to these new and sudden changes. Children are resilient. Hopefully this little one has some resilience stored up.

//
For more on ethics or the lack thereof, read these posts.

Photo Credit.

6 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://open.adoptionblogs.com

Thank you for updating us! I searched yesterday to see if the judge had made a decision yet - you saved me searching again.

Permalink 02/15/08 @ 10:42

Comment from: MamaS [Member]

This case will also have one other (unintended) side effect. Since it gained national attention (and will probably be a Lifetime Movie of the Week) there will be a great many prospective adoptive parents who will go international because this case is further "proof" that "birth parents can come back and take your baby away!" The details will blur, and be lost but the story will be told and retold by friends and relatives to warn potential adoptive parents away from domestic adoptions. For that, I am sorry.

Permalink 02/15/08 @ 11:14

Comment from: John [Member]

Mama S, I think you hit the nail on the head. Rightly, or wrongly, there is a perception that birthparents are now so powerful that in some cases they can overturn an adoption if they are determined enough. This case is simple fraud, with no extenuating circumstances, which has always been a basis to undo an adoption.

The problem is the number of adoption stories in the news over the last few years focuing on adoptive parents losing in court. Couple that with the new standard for infant adoption being a requirement that an open adoption agreement be included, and it is not hard to see where there could be real doubt about the status of adoption. International adoption does avoid thoses issues.

Somehow the word needs to get out that adoption is alive and well. Birthmothers do not benefit if the number of families to choose from drops. It isn't about giving up power, but about correcting misconceptions. John

Permalink 02/15/08 @ 12:34

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Again, perhaps I'm just more optimistic than most. I prefer to believe that people will remember that this was not a case of the birth mother "changing her mind." This was a case of a family blatantly bending the rules in their favor to get a child at any cost. They were called on it not by the birth mother but by the agency.

People want to believe that the birth mothers are the evil ones in situations like these. I believe that this story has the ability to show that it's not just one-sided "evil."

I'm sure you're right in some ways. But my optimistic nature gives me hope for the future.

Permalink 02/15/08 @ 12:38

Comment from: happygmom [Member]

If I were a first mother who had entrusted my precious infant to be instructed and guided by people who think it is moral to lie to get whatever they want, I would be beyond consolation from fear and grief about what kind of situation I had placed my child into. I rejoice that this child is being removed from people who are morally unfit to have someone’s child entrusted to their “care”. Sometimes the courts do protect children!

Permalink 02/15/08 @ 18:18

Comment from: bunnygirl [Member]

Yikes. I feel sorry for everyone involved. As a PAP I have to admit that the main reason my husband & I chose to go with international adoption was because we were terrified of the "birthmother/father changing their minds and taking the baby away" scenario. Also, we knew that although we wanted an infant I, at least, did not want a newborn (I'd lost a son at term, during labor, a couple of years before we'd started seriously exploring adoption and I had a lot of fears about SIDs, despite how rare everyone says it is).

That said, when we did make the decision to to adopt we also made the decision to stop the fertility treatments. We just couldn't focus on starting a life with our future adopted baby while also focusing on starting a life with a potential bio baby. It just didn't seem right to us, for a whole bunch of reasons -- not least of which was how our adopted child would feel knowing that we kept trying, desperately, for a bio baby even while we were bringing him/her into our lives.

My heart goes out to the adoptive parents, BUT, they went into this with their eyes open. It seems to me that on some level the adoption was their "backup" in case there was another miscarriage and since they knew, without a doubt, that this went against the birthmother's wishes and their contract with the agency, they really have no one to blame but themselves. I know that's harsh, but, when you're adopting a child, THAT child and everything he or she needs or has been promised is what you have to concentrate on.

Permalink 02/16/08 @ 18:22

Leave a Comment: You need to login to leave comments.:

Login | Register