No one chimed in on my request for opinions on the fourth recommendation, so I'll just say this: J & D lasted the required thirty days in the state of Pennsylvania. They didn't even avoid contact with me at that time out of fear that I'd think, "Aww, the kid sounds cute."

So why can't you?

It is my personal belief that if better counseling for expectant families (as followed by these recommendations and beyond) is offered, less mothers and fathers who have signed the TPR would attempt a revocation within that allotted time. If we're telling mothers and fathers the honest-to-goodness truth about laws regarding open adoption in their state, less would have a moment, post-placement, when they found out and felt cheated, wanting to fight back against the system that cheated them out of their child. If we're telling mothers and fathers honest stories about post-placement grief and loss, they will be less likely to be hit by the broad side of a truck in those days and months after their initial goodbye. (Go read "testimonies" on any adoption site. Where are the ones that say, "My God, I just couldn't breathe for sixteen weeks because I missed her so badly." We don't tell expectant parents those stories and its doing them a GREAT disservice.) If we want them to understand that placement involves missing their children but simply missing their child doesn't mean that they should overturn an adoption and parent, we've got to inform them.

This recommendation does nothing by itself. If every state adopted this into their adoption law today, we'd see chaos in less than a month. Why? In order to assure that this recommendation works, you've got to employ the other recommendations. It's not one or the other. Better counseling will help expectant families understand their rights and the emotions that come with placement. Better understanding leads to less revocation attempts. Less revocation attempts lead to happy adoptive parents. Seems easy.

That knowledge, that we can't change everything tomorrow, is frustrating. I don't think we'll see a lengthening of any revocation periods for a long, long time. Do I hope we do someday? Yes. But only after the proper steps to assure that it won't be a complete catastrophe are followed. And by following the recommendations of the Birthparent Study, I think we'd be heading in the right direction.

Don't like the idea? Form your own study and tell us how to better protect the rights of birth parents. But be honest about it.

Tomorrow we'll talk about birth fathers. :)