My son’s adoptive parents are in the process of adopting again. It will be awhile before prospective first parents can consider them, but it is already stirring up some feelings of jealousy in me. Which leads me to strange thoughts about our situation and ways that perhaps I can keep them from having to involve another set of first parents. You got it, I’ve considered having another baby for them.

In the beginning our relationship was great. We saw Punkin pretty frequently and heard from them pretty often as well. Then things went south for a while. I don’t think it was on purpose, I know it wasn’t on purpose. They both were busy with work, a new job for his mom in fact, and we just got lost in the shuffle. Things have been much better ever since we worked with our agency to set up a contact agreement. It helps to have guidelines in place for contact; everyone knows where we stand that way.

So now that they are adopting again I am afraid they won’t have time for us anymore. I am thrilled that my son will be getting a brother or sister. I don’t have a problem with them not being related genetically, I’m not related to my brothers in my adoptive family genetically. So it has crossed my mind that we could have another baby for them. That way there wouldn’t have to be another set of first parents involved in their lives. I know that the thought is crazy. Being pregnant again is not something that I want to do; it is a knee jerk reaction to what for me is a very real fear.

Part of the issue in all of this is that I don’t think I could emotionally undertake the placing of another child. The first one was hard enough. For me, placing again would probably mean an emotional collapse. I’ve worked hard emotionally to get to the place that I am with this adoption; I don’t know that I could do it again. Why should I purposefully set myself up for another monumental loss?

So in the end, I won’t get pregnant again for them to have another baby. I will be very happy for them when they do adopt again, and I will work through my fears about being included in their lives. That is my issue, not theirs. I’ve worked through tough things before, I can work through this too.