Easter is almost here. For birth families who celebrate the holiday, there might be a sense that something is missing as Easter baskets are lined up and eggs are decorated. How can birth parents include their placed child in their Easter celebrations? Is it possible? Even in closed adoptions, birth parents can do certain things to "include" their child in their holiday events. Some are little, some are big but hopefully you will find something that fits with your own personality. I've separated the list into ideas for birth parents in open adoption and another four ideas for birth parents in closed adoption. Read the reasons for the separation afterwards!

For birth parents in open adoption:

1. Consider asking your child's family if a visit can be scheduled on or near Easter Sunday. This may be hard if you live a great distance from each other. However, if it has been laid on your heart, ask and remember that they most likely have other family members that they need to spend the day with as well so it may be you who needs to travel.

2. Send a card, Easter basket or small present. Always make sure that the adoptive family is aware that you are sending something so that they can look for it in their mail and so that you can be on the same page as to what is and is not appropriate. For example, right now we are absolutely not giving Nicholas candy. If we received a gift of candy for him, we would not give it to him at this time. (Meaning, I would eat it!) Be sure before you send anything that your child is allowed to eat, use or play with it at this time or in the future.

3. Get Easter Bunny pictures taken together. I just suggested this at the end of last month but it needs to be thrown in here as well. If you can't get together on Easter, having a funny picture to display on your Easter table can be a good way to bring your placed child into your celebration.

4. Make phone calls on the actual day or send e-mails back and forth with pictures. (This includes you sending a picture of yourself!) If your child's family shares your faith (which this should really be discussed prior to sending Easter cards and gifts), your child may be dressed to the nines on Easter Sunday. Getting a glimpse at her frilly dress or his cute suit might be hard but at the same time, seeing these things as they happen can also help you feel included and involved in your child's life. Show off your new Easter digs as well.

For birth parents in closed adoptions:

1. If your church has Easter Lily dedications, dedicate a flower to your placed child. "In honor of (name) from (your name)." Most churches then let you take home the flower that you have paid for after the service so it can sit in your home in honor of your child.

2. Even if you can't send it, write a letter or a card for your child. For some, Easter is a very important holiday. If that pertains to you and your beliefs, writing about why it is important and how it makes you feel would be something nice for reunion.

3. If you have parented children (or grandchildren!) who are dying eggs, dye and decorate one specifically for your placed child. Write the name you gave them, a date or just the color that corresponds with their gender. (For those who don't know gender, green or yellow work fine for that question.)

4. Say a prayer for your child. Possibly out loud. If your family prays before your large meal, consider adding "those who are not with us today" or even stating your child's name. You will obviously know best as to whether saying the name will create too much tension in over dinner. If your church has an anonymous prayer tablet, put your child's name on it.

Obviously, those birth parents in open adoption can also do everything listed under the ideas for those in closed adoption. However, I separated them because I think it's important for those who do not have contact, for whatever reason, to realize that they can still incorporate their placed child into their celebrations in small or larger ways.

It's hard to celebrate holidays that mean something to us without those we love most dearly, those we miss and those we grieve. Doing some little things to bring your placed child into your day, even if it's just a card that you put in a box for a later date, can help get you through the day itself.

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For More on Holiday Survival and Issues, read:
1. The "This Would Be Perfect" If's.
2. A Poem: A Birthmother's Christmas.