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You’ve looked at what feels like hundreds of parent profiles, you’ve talked to several couples and you have finally met the couple that feels like “the ones”. Your agency or attorney notifies them and they reject the match with you. This happened to us when we placed our Punkin. Our first choice was not interested in parenting our son. It was a devastating feeling. We had to start all over with the match process. How does a person recover from this kind of rejection?
We, personally, had to evaluate why they had rejected the match. Our son was critically ill in the NICU of a regional medical center. They didn’t live in the same town as that center so visiting him to bond would have been very difficult. It was still difficult though. Even though our baby was sick, we knew in our hearts he would make a good recovery and be a happy, healthy, little boy. Thankfully we were right. The couple we chose has turned out to be a good match for us, so maybe it was a higher power that stepped in an prevented us from making a match that wouldn’t have worked for us.
The most important thing to remember is that a match falling through is not your fault, unless you are doing something to endanger the life of your baby. Many pre adoptive parents will screen out people that are drinking or using drugs. Sometimes things just aren’t right for adoptive parents just like they aren’t right for potential birth parents. Perhaps you differ on key points such as religion or schooling expectations. If you really want your child to be raised in an agnostic home do not choose a strict Catholic couple to raise your family. Chances are pretty good that the match will fall through. Maybe distance is a factor. Perhaps you seek a less active role in your child’s life than the adoptive parents hope for you to take.
If a fall through does happen, take a step back, take a deep breath and start looking for a different couple. It is a choice you are going to have to make no matter what and the sooner you find a couple you are happy with, they happier you will be.
