Whether you are celebrating Birthmother's Day, Mother's Day or both, it's likely to be a weekend with some mixed emotions. While you may have to run here and there to celebrate with your own parents, your own children or a group of friends or other birth mothers, the important thing to remember is to do something to take care of yourself.

Here's a list of things that you can do this weekend.

1. If you're attending a religious ceremony this weekend, stand up when they ask the mothers in attendance to stand. Ignore the eyes on you, especially if you are not yet parenting other children. Instead focus your attention inward and allow yourself to honor the mother that you are, to remember the child that you have bore. Consider going over your answer prior to attending the service so that you can field any nosy questions afterwards without hesitation or fear.

2. Buy yourself some flowers. Or, better yet, spend some time in your own flower garden. Or just go walk amongst some flowers. Or something with flowers! Honestly, I do spend some time in my flower garden on hard days, no matter what is causing the emotional hardship. It's a calming place for me to be. If you're buying yourself some flowers, display them proudly in a main area of your home or office on Monday. When people ask, let them know that they were for Mother's Day and then decide how much more you are willing to share.

3. Allow room for nostalgia. Do you have a few pictures of yourself with your child? A letter or two? I actually have a box of memories that I'll probably pull out one day this weekend and sort through the mementos. I'll actually probably include a good cathartic cry as I allow myself room to feel those emotions.

4. Allow yourself that good cathartic cry! Really, it can make a world of difference. I'm not saying you have to cry for hours. Or in front of people. Or any of that stuff. The shower. Your car. In your flower garden. The point is not to let the emotions of the weekend build up inside of you and wait to explode until Monday comes. Allow your emotions to come out and deal with them as best possible in the moment, not after the moment has passed.

5. Share your story with someone new. I know, I know. Scary, right? But you're just like any other Mother. You really are. You want to talk about your experience, your child, your love and your memories. So allow yourself to do it. Pick out someone safe. And share it with them. (I have tentative plans to do so this weekend.)

6. Pamper yourself. Go out to a nice meal. Get a pedicure. Soak in a tub. Buy something spiffy. Just do something for YOU this weekend. Trust me. It's more than allowable. If you're on a budget, make yourself the nice meal. Make someone you love give you a pedicure. The tub soaking is still cheap. And go to the Dollar Store and buy something totally random. (Really? Dollar Stores can be so therapeutic! Try it!)

7. Reach out to other birth mothers. If you're not all about birth mother's day celebrations, that doesn't mean you have to spend your weekend hidden away from the adoption world. There are others you can reach out to that share your emotions. Seek out similar mothers online at the Adoption Forums, via blogs or in chat rooms. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone.

I'm gearing up for my weekend as well. I'm nervous about some aspects, looking forward to others. I'll be doing a few of these ideas myself and am hopeful that the weekend I am dreading will turn out to be somewhat tolerable.

What are your plans for this weekend?

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For more on holidays and birth parents, read these posts.



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