As I wrote about this past summer, we got a new Pastor at our church. I was initially apprehensive. I mean, first of all, I don't like change! Secondly, it's really hard to predict how any certain human being will react to the topics of adoption, my role as a birth mother and the openness of our relationship. And so, I always take some time getting to know the Pastor before I drop in his office and have "the talk."

I've decided it's just about time. Is it wrong to admit that I've thrown a few tests out to see how he would respond? For example, he didn't say anything remotely placating when my past miscarriage was discussed at a Bible study this past summer. That was reassuring. He has also been amazingly supportive since Mom's breast cancer diagnosis. He has also been amazing during this pregnancy, both towards me and my Husband. Beyond that, as he talks about certain aspects of human life, I am finding his words to be lacking in almost any judgment. He seems to take a realistic but holy view of our world. It's just nice.

That said, I'm still a nervous wreck. (For those wondering, I'm not in church today because I'm on bed rest (level 2) and Josh wasn't here (work) to help me (us) get ready and out the door. I can't carry anything heavy and our son is rather heavy!) Anyway, back to being a nervous wreck. Just like telling any number of people that you want to continue to respect you (family members, friends), you really don't want your Pastor to bust out with something less than caring, ya know? While he should have had training in thinking before he speaks, he's human. Just like me. And I know that I say some pretty not-nice things on occasion; foot-in-mouth syndrome at its finest! Again, I have no reason to believe he'd all of a sudden develop such a thing when he's been on his game thus far. But it's scary still.

It doesn't help that I inadvertently formed a friendship with his wife and thus feel like a big fat liar for not saying anything yet. (To be fair, neither has been in our home yet to see the wide array of pictures.) I don't like feeling like a liar. It goes back to the whole privacy versus secrecy issue, doesn't it? No particular conversations have yet lent themselves to questions about previous number of pregnancies or the true nature of our family. I haven't outright lied. But lying by omission still feels pretty yucky to me.

I figure I'll be having a conversation with him this week. We need to talk about the date for this new baby's baptism and I thought I'd just throw the rest of this into the discussion. (Of course, unless he comes here, we'll be having the discussion on the phone, what with the bed rest and all.) I hope and pray I can find the appropriate words. Ditto for him.

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For more, read:

1. Talking to a New Pastor.

2. Talking to My Pastor.

3. Unwed Pregnancy Woes.

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