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While doing my morning (which turned into early afternoon) blog reading, I came across a post that covered a quote said by Elizabeth Edwards at last weekend’s BlogHer Conference. I chuckled to myself, applying it to the women I know in the adoption world.
Probably most of the women in this room believe all the same things.
Anyone else greatly amused? MotherGooseMouse was the blogger who brought the quote to my attention, having been present for Edwards statement. She brings out that point that while she’s a blogger and part of a community, to really know what she thinks or feels on any given subject, you might need to “dig a little deeper.”
Applies to adoption bloggers, parents and others involved with triad workings, doesn’t it? For example, if you piled all of the adoption bloggers, found both on site and all around the blogosphere, into a room and stated that quote from a stage in front of the room, I’m sure that it would be met with riotous laughter. Some things would be true: we would all be touched by adoption in some form or another and we would all be bloggers. Quite frankly, that’s where the across-the-board comparisons would end! Even if you limited your spectrum to just include birth mother bloggers or adoptee bloggers or adoptive parent bloggers, you’d still be facing a wide range of opinions, thoughts and beliefs.
No, quite frankly, I don’t think like a lot of my other adoption bloggers, even if you limit the group solely to birth mothers. Even when I may agree with some people, I may differ in how I think their thought should be applied. That said, I’ve learned a lot from the differences that we all have (and state, loudly and clearly) within the adoption triad. I cannot begin to touch on how much I have learned from adoptees regarding aspects of adoption that I would otherwise not have access. I have learned so much by being open to really hearing others’ experiences. My closed adoption birth mother sisters have taught me much more than just a history lesson; they’ve schooled me on grief, anger and how reform doesn’t magically occur by sitting on your butt and imagining utopia. Adoptive parents have taught me so much (so, so much!) about proper boundaries in open adoption relationships, whether they were being a good example or a poor one!
In fact, if all adoption bloggers believed the same things, there wouldn’t be much need for blogging, now would there? If we were all in constant agreement with one another, we would soon bore of continuing to pass on vital information. If we felt the same way about reform issues, well, reform would be progressing at much higher rate of speed. If we agreed on things like opening records, adoptees wouldn’t have a need to post pleas on the internet for someone to hear and understand. If we agreed on issues surrounding open adoptions, people wouldn’t find a need to gnash teeth in order to defend the reasons behind their relationships. We wouldn’t learn from anyone’s experience. We wouldn’t further our understanding of issues that affect every side of the triad. We wouldn’t gain an appreciation for the hardships that other go through regarding adoption.
Truth be told, I’m glad that adoption bloggers don’t agree. Sure, it creates some drama from time to time. Yes, that drama can turn others off to the actual want of understanding others positions. In the end, the continuous discussion of adoption, in all its many complex facets, not only brings us together (as much as some would like it to be the other way) but brings society, untouched by adoption, to a place where they are hearing (by reading) our voices. We may not be in agreement on every aspect of adoption but knowing that society could better understand and appreciate our stories and lives is something that most adoption bloggers would agree could benefit the triad as a whole.
Besides, if there’s one thing I do well, it’s disagree! Ask my Husband!
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No, really, I don’t think like you, as made evident by:
1. Can We Assign Our Own Titles, Please?
2. Newsflash: She IS My Daughter.
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Photo Credit.
It depends on what your scope of comparison is. If you’re thinking at an anthropological level — e.g., American society vs. Japanese society — Edwards is absolutely correct — most of us do believe the same things. From such a broad cultural perspective, the differences between American #1 and American #2 are vanishingly small, and in many contexts, completely irrelevant.
Sweeping statements in rooms or groups of people don’t hit the proper nails on the head. Even saying that “all” within American society believe one thing versus Japanese society would still be stretching it because, no doubt, someone will disagree with someone else regarding that statement. On part, something of that nature may be true. You’d be hard pressed to find a generalized statement such as that to fit absolutely everyone in a group, especially one so diverse as bloggers (in general, or niche bloggers such as adoption bloggers). Individuality, within or without a society, makes us unique. Without voices pushing for understanding of those differences, we’re pretty boring.