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For birth mothers who know what today is, being Birthmother’s Day, it’s sure to cross the mind of supporters and non-supporters alike. Whether a passing thought or an active participant in birth mother activities today, our thoughts are likely on various issues in adoption. However, I’m presenting some food for thought today.
No matter how you feel about today, no matter how the thought of a separate and decidedly unequal day makes you feel, spend some time in thought about your relinquished child. (Or, if you’re in reunion or an open adoption, spend some time with your relinquished child!)
I’m a decidedly positive person, even in the midst of pretty icky emotional stuff. But for some reason, this day has an uncanny and unmatched ability to make me grumpy. The past few years have found me either crying or cussing (though usually internally) or a mixture of both. And, really? I don’t want to waste a day being grumpy. I have enough of those naturally. Ask my Husband!
Today? This year?
I’m going to write Miss Munchkin a letter. (Of note, I’m also writing her one tomorrow.) If I have time, I might call as well. (Though there will definitely be a call tomorrow to wish her Mom (and Grandma!) a Happy Mother’s Day.) I’m going to sort through some pictures and update some picture frames. And I’m going to remind myself (and/or force myself) to be thankful for the fact that my daughter is still in my life and that she is super, wonderful awesome.
Some say I should focus on myself today. I think I’ll do that tomorrow as best I can with a two-and-a-half-year-old and a five month old under foot. Today I’m going to try to be upbeat and positive about my daughter’s life and my role in that life. I’m going to find a little solace in the fact that there are other mothers like me trying to find a positive point in the day as well.
But, truth be told, I’m not going to use the title of the day nor will I wish anyone a “Happy” Birthmother’s DAY. Maybe a peaceful one. Yes, I think that sounds much better and goes along with the healing journey of birth motherhood, don’t you think? Finding peace even though it’s hard? Even though the rest of the world is expecting something (happy alluding to celebration)?
And so, my birth mother friends, I wish you a peaceful day. Feel free to drop a line. You’re all in my thoughts and prayers.
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For more on birth parents and holidays, read these posts.
Thanks Jenna! I’m a new birthmom…my daughter is seven months, and I really don’t know what to expect this weekend. Your posts this week have been really helpful.
It is NOT Birth mothers day today..it is simply MOTHERS day..for mommies of adopted babies, or birth kids. So step moms, adopted moms alike go and celebrate this fabulous day.
momof5wi- If you check the date of the post you will see that it was posted YESTERDAY 5/10/08 which indeed was Birth Mothers Day.
Dear Jenna-
As an adoptee and mother of two, I want
you to know there is not a day that goes bny I don’t think about my birthmother. You are a unselfish gift-giver.
hockeygurl; While you may think of your birthmother as a gift-giver, I am not one. My daughter wasn’t something to be given and received. I understand that others prefer this language but I do not. I think it diminishes my daughter and the continued responsibility I have to her through open adoption.