Some adoptees say that adoption is rarely something that they think about much. It is part of who they are, and they see no need to analyze the whole situation and agonize over their fate. These kinds of feelings may last a lifetime or change at some point in their lives.

For most of the rest of us, adoption issues may plague us constantly or pop up throughout our lives. How much we are affected depends on the issue, our mood on a certain day and many other factors. However, there are certain events/days/triggers that can derail us.

Bad birth mother days can sometimes seem nearly impossible to endure. On those particular woeful and excruciating days, you may be in such agony, you wonder if you can or want to survive. If those terrible days drag on, therapy with an experienced adoption therapist might be in order.

Otherwise, here are some suggestions to get through the worst birth mother days:

1. If you need to cry and rage, don't feel guilty for doing so. Allow yourself the luxury if possible. Instead of feeling badly for giving in to tears and being weak, understand that sometimes tears help the healing process. Worried that you will not be able to stop? You can and will bounce back.

2. Pamper yourself in any way that might help you feel better - as long as it is legal that is! Head to a spa, stay in bed if you want to or call a friend to help you through a particularly tough day.

3. Take a walk or a run, or find some way to get some vigorous exercise. Studies show that people are less depressed when they receive regular exercise. Exercise always makes me feel better - virtuous even.

4. Escape with a funny movie, a good book, a walk through a musuem or whatever helps you to move on and stop thinking about adoption for at least awhile.

5. Talk to yourself and remember how many good things you have to appreciate. Think of your family, where you live or be thankful for good health. Remind yourself how strong you are, and tomorrow will likely be a better day.

6. Eat chocolate. I swear by this one! Chocolate may not be your favorite comfort food, but it works wonders for me. Rice pudding is another great comfort food to consider.

Mothers' Day and a relinquished child's birthday are generally the two worst days of the year for many birth parents. However, there are other ordinary days as well which might be particularly trying. Understand that those bad days are all part of the process and remember that better days are ahead.


Further Reading:


One Birth Mother's Experience with The Dreaded Holiday

Mothers' Day - Permission to Feel Pain.



Photo by Jan Baker