For birth parents involved in open adoptions with their child's family or for those involved in reunion with their adult child it doesn't come as a surprise that not all visits are happy-go-lucky, memory-making, balls of rainbows and butterflies. In fact, sometimes these visits are downright hard. They can be emotional, trying, taxing and draining. However, despite all of those things, even the most difficult visit can be healthy.

Note that I didn't say happy. I said healthy. The difference?

Well, there are a few differences.

First and foremost, your attitude is key! I'm not suggesting to hide your emotions under a bushel. In fact, I'll hit on that in my next point. The thing to remember regarding your own attitude is that if you react negatively, negativity is the only outcome. Instead, for example, if something is said to you that strikes a negative chord and you are able to reply in a calm, collected manner about how that makes you feel without flying off the handle, a positive outcome is possible.

Which brings me to my next point: communication is key. If someone says something to upset you, you need to be honest about it! If your boundaries are being pushed, ask for a little bit of room. If you have a question that you desperately need answers, ask it with the fact in mind that they can tell you that you are pushing their boundaries. It's a give and take, of course, and sharing what is and is not acceptable to you is important.

As is respect, my final point. Parents who raised their children in their home have issues with one another. They view things differently. They are different people. And learning to respect those differences can lead to healthy visits. Remember that your child may be part of you genetically but, just like children raised in our own homes, they develop their own sense of self. Respecting those differences will make for easier, healthier visits.

Do you have any more ideas about what makes a healthy visit?