How Many Kids Do I Have?

I hate the question. Or any variation thereof. How many kids do you have? I don’t know. One, two or three, depending on how you look at it. Is this your first? He’s not my first but he’s our first. Aren’t you glad you had a boy first? I didn’t. Boys are so much easier than girls; you’re so lucky! Shut up. Just shut up. Shut up shut up shut up!

To be fair, most of the people who ask me such questions don’t know me, anything about my life or the fact that their questions are so triggering for me that I could sit down and cry at that very moment. Mostly these people are other Mothers or grandmothers in public places who are merely looking to make small talk. Occasionally these people are new friends who have not yet been informed of the Munchkin’s presence in our lives. At times these people are family. That’s when it really stinks to high heaven.

I try not to answer the questions in a direct manner. Sometimes I smile, give a little nod and return the question if a child is present. Sometimes, when asked if Nicholas is my first child, I just simply say, “He’s a blessing, isn’t he?” However, I’ve done it. I’ve said, out loud, that my Son is my first child. I’ve answered, “Yes.” I hate that I’ve done that; it nags at my heart and soul. He’s not my first. Munchkin is and always willbe my firstborn.

I don’t think there’s any appropriate answer to the question. While some have said that simply saying, “No, I have a daughter as well,” will suffice for those who are just asking to ask, they apparently don’t live in my neck of the woods. I live in the rural midwest. In our towns, if you sneeze, your grandmother-in-law will find out less than an hour later. If you state to Miss Mary Mack in line at K-Mart that you also have a daughter, you’re not going to get off the hook that easily. “Oh, is she in school right now?” Well, really, Nosy Lady, she’s in Florida right now with her parents and grandparents having one heckuva time. Imagine the confused look.

While I’ve been finding it easier to talk about my daughter with more people, I still don’t like being put on the spot. It’s something I’m working on with my therapist. Maybe if placing was common place around these parts, I’d have more confidence in admitting to Miss Mary Mack that I’m a firstmother. However, instead of “voluntary” placement, we see a lot more involvement by DFS and, while I don’t mean to insult any Mother who has had her children removed, I have always been and will always be a fit Mother. I don’t like it that people assume that since I am a firstmother, I was and/or am an unfit Mother.

So, to answer the question. I have a daughter who lives on the East Coast. I have a Son who is usually attached to me in some form or fashion. And I have an Angel in Heaven watching over the lot of us. Thanks for asking. How many kids do you have?

I’m going to start practicing that… someday.

Illustration from images.com.

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