Comments on: How Birth Parents Can Properly Communicate the Hard Stuff http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:02:45 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: loveajax http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica/comment-page-1#comment-921 loveajax Wed, 18 Jul 2007 20:02:15 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/07/18/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica#comment-921 Excellent post. Only recently has my DD's birth mom been talking about the "heavier" and "sadder" stuff with me. It is definitely not easy, but I am glad that she feels comfortable sharing with me (and she always does so in an "appropriate" manner -- i.e., in the way you describe). I won't lie though -- sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it. I know you don't understand this side of it (as I don't understand the birth mom's), but it is really, really difficult to feel that YOU are the cause of someone else's pain. It's taken me a long time to realize I'm not the cause of the pain, though obviously I have benefitted from the decision which caused the pain (if that makes sense?).<br /> <br /> Tough stuff.<br /> <br /> The ability to communicate well is so dependent on the people involved, the circumstances, etc., but I think your "guide" is a good one. <br /> <br /> I'd like to see a "guide" like this for a parents too! Excellent post. Only recently has my DD’s birth mom been talking about the “heavier” and “sadder” stuff with me. It is definitely not easy, but I am glad that she feels comfortable sharing with me (and she always does so in an “appropriate” manner — i.e., in the way you describe). I won’t lie though — sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it. I know you don’t understand this side of it (as I don’t understand the birth mom’s), but it is really, really difficult to feel that YOU are the cause of someone else’s pain. It’s taken me a long time to realize I’m not the cause of the pain, though obviously I have benefitted from the decision which caused the pain (if that makes sense?).

Tough stuff.

The ability to communicate well is so dependent on the people involved, the circumstances, etc., but I think your “guide” is a good one.

I’d like to see a “guide” like this for a parents too!

]]> By: Jenna Hatfield http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica/comment-page-1#comment-920 Jenna Hatfield Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:34:43 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/07/18/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica#comment-920 Deb; Glad it struck a chord. I only learned some of this stuff by living through the hard stuff on our own. There aren't really books that dictate how to handle these things. Even some of my most referred adoption books don't give birth parents adequate information or support for making their way through increasingly open adoptions and what that means for their grief.<br /> <br /> Deb; Glad it struck a chord. I only learned some of this stuff by living through the hard stuff on our own. There aren’t really books that dictate how to handle these things. Even some of my most referred adoption books don’t give birth parents adequate information or support for making their way through increasingly open adoptions and what that means for their grief.

]]> By: Deb Donatti http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica/comment-page-1#comment-919 Deb Donatti Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:09:37 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/07/18/how-birth-parents-can-properly-communica#comment-919 Good post. I think I may even print it out and mail to someone.<br /> Thanks Good post. I think I may even print it out and mail to someone.
Thanks

]]>