Since I began blogging at Adoption.com over a year ago, I have caught the attention of some very caring and sensitive mothers - some birth and some adoptive. I have appreciated the opportunity to be able to offer my views here. Plus, it has been a spectacular learning experience for me as well.

Although I expect many birth mothers to understand me and mostly agree with me, I know that my views are sometimes difficult or hard for adoptive parents to hear. Yet, many of you have read my words, and thoughtfully and calmly commented, whether you agreed or not. That ability to be open to learning will serve you well in the future as you raise your children.

Many of you know that I never aim to wound or be hurtful, but to educate and encourage healthy discussions. I am passionate and care deeply about children and that comes through to many of you. My goal is not to dictate what choices others make, but I want to encourage pregnant women, birth and adoptive parents to question and not accept the status quo. Personally, I believe that our current system is terribly flawed.

I hope that you have noted that I rarely post horror stories about nightmare adoptive or birth parents. All of us know that they exist, but I prefer to believe that they are rare. Nor do I post stories about nightmare adoptees who commit horrible acts. Again, we all know that a few exist, but I find it unnecessary to insinuate that all adoptees are disturbed psychos. I do not believe that to be the case.

My son is an adoptee and I do not appreciate it when people flash statistics around that suggest that nearly all adoptees are dysfunctional. I do not believe that they are.

Does adoption affect most adoptees? Yes, I believe that it does. However, I also believe that many are able to find ways to successfully cope with their issues. Some do better than others. For the prospective adoptive parents who read these blogs, by keeping an open mind and learning about adoption you are doing exactly what you should be doing for your children.

Do not let all the negativity make you fearful about adoption. You should be concerned and educate yourself. However, I have no interest in convincing you not to adopt a child that needs a home. That has never been my goal, nor will it ever be. I do have an interest in preventing unnecessary relinquishments.

Part of my mission is to educate people so that they when an adoption is necessary, it will be handled in an ethical manner. Another goal is that when people do adopt that they do all that they can to educate themselves so that they are the best possible parents for their children. I aim not to have you agree with everything I say, but to think for yourself. Then, let your conscience be your guide.

Further Reading:

Children are our Greatest Gift

In Regards to Adoptive Parents.



Photo by Jan Baker 2007