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I am very excited that the second Open Adoption Book Tour will feature Lifegivers by James Gritter. If you’ve been a long-time reader of this blog, you know my passion for this book. In fact, you may have read my very long, very detailed series on the book. I’m so excited that other people are going to read this book about the birth parent experience in open adoption.
I’ve read the book three times myself. Why am I so excited about a book I’ve already read the heck out of, highlighted and rehighlighted and spilled coffee on twice? Because people need to read it. As this is a birth parent blog, I’m going to appeal to my birth parent readers for a moment, too. Because birth parents need to read it.
The first time I read the book, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to consider my emotions, both positive and negative. I wasn’t ready to accept my role in the adoption process. I wasn’t able to consider anything past the here-and-now. I didn’t want to think about that past. I certainly didn’t want to think too far in the future. I needed everything to be okay, right now. While I didn’t hate the book, it didn’t help me much.
Until I read it again. A few years later, I revisited the book and it changed my life. Things that I had missed the first time around spoke volumes to me. As an example, at the time of the first read through, I was unable to accept that I would ever feel regret about my decision to place my daughter for adoption. I needed everything to be hunky-dory and wonderfully upbeat. By the time I got to the book the second time, I felt like the only birth parent in the world who might occasionally entertain thoughts of regret, moments of doubt. When I read that I was most certainly not the only one and that, in fact, it was a normal emotion, I felt so free!
Did the word regret just make you freak out about this book? Please read my post(s) on that specific chapter. As I tell everyone, regret is not the big, scary thing that everyone makes it out to be.
The truth is that this book explains a lot about the birth parent experience in a way that is non-threatening to both adoptive parents and birth parents trying to make their way through open adoption relationships. Some of it is hard to read, no matter the triad position. There are a few things that I still believe don’t apply to me or my situation but, as you know, the birth parent experience is wide and ranging and, as such, not every issue or situation will apply or can be covered. At the very least, this book encouraged me to be a consistent, encouraging presence in my daughter’s life. It defined my role as a birth parent and gave me some guidance for how to approach certain issues and the relationship as a whole. For those reasons alone, birth parents in open adoption should be reading this book. It should be handed out to all parents considering adoption for that matter as it’s never too early to learn about the emotional aspects of birth parenting.
All that said, I encourage you to sign up for the book tour and read the book. Sign ups are due by May 7th. More information can be read here. I also want to encourage birth parents in open adoption to invite their child’s adoptive parents to read and participate in this book tour. I will be participating here on the Birth Parent blog and will have a post with the discussion questions on one of the tour dates. I look forward to hearing what you have to say as well!
