Losing a child to adoption is often said to be "the right thing to do," and sometimes it really is. Birth parents are told that there will be great satisfaction in knowing that they loved their child enough to place their child with others who can raise the child well. In my experience, that sense of satisfaction rarely pans out as birth parents are told that it will.

When parents really cannot/will not parent, others must raise their children. However,when parents want to raise their children but feel compelled by circumstances to relinquish those children, it marks them forever. It deeply affects their self-esteem and regaining it is often an elusive task. A sense of failure often looms, and a feeling of not being "good enough" to raise their children.

There is a loss of innocence after losing a child. There is an indelible wounding of the soul for many birth parents. Although some healing and recovery is possible, the carefree and free-spirited nature is often extinquished from your heart. Often you might lost trust in those you love and in the world in general. You must fight your way back to love life and yourself again.

Some birth mothers say that their self-esteem may have contributed to their unplanned pregnancy. Those who counsel young women suggest that by "doing the right thing" and choosing adoption that they will feel good and noble. However, most women never feel the satisfaction that they are told that relinquishment will offer. Instead of feeling good and proud of themselves, many birth mothers feel just the opposite. They feel like failures and despise themselves for not being able to raise their own babies.

For more hard issues, read about the guilt, grief, loss and shame issues that many birth parents face. Plowing through these issues is an uphill battle for birth parents.