I hope all of my friends and readers are having a beautiful Mother's Day. The weather here isn't conducive to any time spent to time in my flower garden which would have been rather therapeutic. Instead, we're enjoying some time indoors with books, Wii and, get this, I'm even going to take a nap today.

I thought that my forced ambivalence regarding the day would make for an easier day. I went to bed last night with the feeling that today was just another day, that it didn't mean all that much and that I would be okay when I woke up. Apparently I'm naive or overly optimistic or just generally unaware because it sure didn't feel okay when I woke up this morning. My ambivalence washed down the drain and I was suddenly forced to face my emotions as I took my morning shower.

We did manage to make it to church today with both boys in tow and my mother-in-law accompanying the lot of us. I wore the new Mother's necklace, a gift from my Husband, and sat with my family. I tried to smile. But as they began to honor mothers with speeches and poems and little anecdotes, my resolve left me. Tears filled my eyes. My heart ached. And I tried to hide my face behind my younger son's head. My Husband pulled me close and stroked my arm. It was really a beautiful service and our Pastor acknowledged that the day is a hard day for so many people for so many reasons.

But I'm still somewhat drained. I am thankful, of course, that my Husband has been gentle with me all weekend. I am thankful that I have received cards and e-cards from various friends, family members and mothers. I am thankful for my OWN mother and everything she has done in my life. I am thankful that my mother-in-law was able to take my older son for a day and a half this weekend so I could refuel my energy for the upcoming week. I am thankful for my daughter's mother and the amazing ways she continues to parent the Munchkin... and for the fact that she never fails to make me smile when she shares stories and pictures... and for the fact that she is a great friend... and I could go on.

I'm hoping that, despite the place in your healing journey, you can find some point of joy, peace or solace in your day. Whether it's your first Mother's Day or your umpteenth (or more!), the day will continue to provide new challenges and little joys. I hope you are able to enjoy this day in some way, even if that is done by attempting to ignore all that it stands for. Remember: you are never alone.

Happy Mother's Day.

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For more on birth parents and holidays, read these posts.




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