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I’ve been struck by loss this Halloween season. More so than in years past. Why? I’m assuming it is because I am now the everyday parent to two children and their costumes have a theme. The previous two years of Halloween didn’t strike me as much as there wasn’t really a theme, just a solitary costume decision. This year, of course, is different and I am so very aware of what is missing in our theme.
My boys are dressing as Sebastian and Flounder from The Little Mermaid. The choice behind these costumes is pure chance. I happened to remember the Sebastian costume that my paternal grandmother made for my much younger little brother in 1991 or ‘92. I asked Mom if she knew where the costume had gone to and, surprisingly, she knew. She got it all cleaned up (lots of dust!) and delivered it to us.
For awhile, the boys weren’t going to have a costume theme. My younger son was going to be the lion that his older brother was two years earlier. Then my Mom set out on a mission to find a Flounder costume. Turns out that the thing has been discontinued so she was continuously losing bidding wars on eBay by a dollar here and a dollar there. Eventually, she called me to let me know that she had scored one! From England of all places. I don’t want to know what she paid in shipping alone.
All the same, my boys now have a Halloween theme. And I am well aware that we are missing a Mermaid.
We went to a Halloween party yesterday evening, the boys sporting their little costumes. This get-together was with a few friends that I have made in the past year. One of the women, whom brought me into the fold of the group, adopted a sibling sister pair from Ethiopia earlier this year. One of her newer daughters, as she now has four (yes, four daughters!), was dressed as Ariel. I knew this going into the party. I was all ready for a picture of the three of them together. But, as fate would have it, my older son wanted to take off his costume to eat (no hands free which makes for warm trick-or-treating but poor eating) and my younger son was exhausted due to an abbreviated nap and never got out of the mei tai.
My eyes watered, though, when I saw her beautiful daughter dressed as Ariel. It’s just part of my reality.
We’ll always be one costume short on years that we do themes. There will be no Dorothy when we dress them as the Tin Man and the Lion. There is no Sally to their Lightning and Mater. There is no Lucy to their Charlie Brown and Linus. And while I still delight in how absolutely cute the two of these kids are in their little themed costumes, my heart is well-aware of who is missing. And why.
Even holidays that barely blip on the importance level in our family have become increasingly difficult. I’m hopeful that time will ease the sting. Maybe by the time the boys have shunned dressing up I will be able to make it through Halloween without a second thought. But I doubt it.
Does Halloween bring up any reminders of loss for you?
Photo Credit: 2008 Jenna Hatfield. Yes, those are the costumes!
Your boys are beautiful. I’m an adoptive mom who just happened upon this blog in a Yahoo search and was touched by what I read… I think often of my son’s birthmom and I know your daughter’s adoptive mom is looking at your beautiful girl and thinking how much you would love seeing her in her halloween costume this year. I know that is what I think about when I look at my precious little boy. Your boys are so precious. They just look like the cutest little guys ever!