As 2009 draws to a close, I’m left to think what it has been like for me as a birth parent. I’ve learned more about myself this year with regard to my birth parenting than in any other previous year. I’ve heard similar things from other birth parents. 2009 was a year of growth and inner change for so many of us.
I hope 2010 is the same.
It’s scary, sometimes, starting a new year. As a birth parent, my mind starts to wonder what could happen this year. I know that when I experienced my first New Year’s Eve and Day as a birth parent, I had no possible way of guessing what the future would bring. In fact, at that time I really didn’t even think I would be able to handle visits, figuring they would be too emotionally hard for me to handle. (I was pleased that I was wrong.) I would have had no way to guess what 2009 would bring me in terms of our open adoption relationships and the changes we would undergo. Starting a new year can be scary when you think about all of the unknowns.
But I love starting a New Year.
It’s so full of promise and hope. As a birth mother involved in a fully open adoption, I am wondering when our visits will be this year. I’m not quite sure since visiting is more difficult with the addition of my daughter’s Kindergarten schedule. I do know, however, that our communication has greatly improved on topics like this and I have nothing to fear in that particular area. I am also excited to see how my parented sons begin to process more about their sister and the topic of adoption in the next year. Knowing the questions that their sister asked at the same ages makes my mind jump around in great ways.
The truth is that, as birth parents, we don’t know what the new year holds. In fact, even as parents of children under our roof, we never know. I try to start a new year with the best frame of mind. I think positively. I make goals (as I don’t like the word resolution). I start it off with a kiss and a smile and a dream of a great year to come in all areas of my life, adoption relationships included.
I hope that as 2009 draws to a close you are able to look to the future with a sense of hope and wonder as well. Happy New Year!