If you're a birth parent in an open adoption or reunion, you're probably considering Christmas presents for your placed child right now. (Unless you're done, like me. We can pat ourselves on the back after helping out our fellow brothers and sisters.) Whether the child that you relinquished for adoption is still a child or a full-grown adult, I have a gift idea that will work: the gift of tradition.

That will mean something different for each family. I don't know you or your family's history so I can't tell you specifically what to give when it comes to tradition. But, being the smart lady that I am, I can ask you some questions to prompt your brain into thinking about your own family's tradition. First, however, I will tell you why this is a good idea.

Having placed your child for adoption, your child was not raised in your home. Your child was therefore not exposed to the traditions of your family, meaning both the parents who raised you and created traditions and the traditions that you have or will create with your parented children. While the lack of exposure to such traditions might not be a life-changing thing for your placed child, it can still be nice to be included in such things whether as a child or as an adult.

And so, some questions to prompt your tradition-thinking mind:

1. Did you receive something each holiday from your parents? Or a grandparent? An ornament? A piece of food or candy? Pajamas? A book? A movie? A trip somewhere? Could you somehow do that for your child? If you can't take him or her on a trip, could you send money with instructions that her parents take her to the zoo to see the lights on x-day?

2. Are you doing something or have you done something every holiday for your parented children? Examples would be similar to the ones in point one but may have been started by you instead of your parents or grandparents.

3. Did you make cookies every year with your family? Or do you now with your children? Make a batch and send them over.

4. Did you go caroling every year with your family? Or do you now? Make a video of your family singing Christmas carols and email or mail the DVD/tape/etc so that your child, adult or still a kid, can join in the merriment.

The list of ideas go on. In this era, where technology is at our fingertips, we shouldn't forget how easy it would be to include someone who couldn't attend Christmas Eve dinner in the event via webcam. Think outside of the box when trying to come up with a way to share tradition with your placed child.



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