There are many ways that you can handle stupid remarks. One of the best ways is to laugh them off when possible. Challenge them when the mood strikes you, ignore them or do whatever you need to do to let them not bother you too much.

These remarks fall into many categories. They may be insensitive, rude, thoughtless or just plain stupid. Another possibility is that you are asking a question that is none of your business.

Adoptive Moms

1) Which ones are yours? (To an adoptive mom with biological and adopted children.)
2) Where is their real mom?
3) Why didn’t she raise him or her?
4) You must be a saint to raise other people's children.
5) Why would you want to raise other people’s children?
6) Can you love an adopted child as much as a real one?


Birth Moms
1) How great that it all worked out! (Said at reunion, meaning the adoption.)
2) How could you have done that? (Again, adoption or "given your baby away.")
3) What do his adoptive parents think about your reunion?
4) Gee, I wonder if you have any other children out there that might find you? (This remark was made by one of two men after I had just told them that my son had found me. The other one said, "Of course she doesn't, she would know remember?" Yes, being there for a birth is pretty hard to forget! I assured both men that there were no more children out there who needed to find me.)
5) Is that legal? (Having your child find you.)
6) What a brave and courageous person you must be. (For giving your child away.)
7) Did you have a drug problem? Were you too young? Didn’t you want a baby?
8) Wow, you are so lucky that they let you see him/her! (Open adoption.)
9) Isn’t open adoption confusing for your child?

All of the first five of items on the birth mom list actually were said to me. This post of Rebecca's gives some more examples. I also loved What do You Say When - Humor to the Rescue that she referenced. Humor -it often saves you!