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Wanting to start out the weekend on a good, solid and positive note, I sat down to seek out a blog post, article or forum discussion to share with you readers. (I’ll be doing this on Friday mornings from here on out.) This morning I was moved to read the following blog for many reasons.
I’ve been reading Parenting #1 Through Open Adoption since the family brought their son home. They happened onto my Google blog alerts and from the title of their blog alone, I became intrigued. As the author mentions in today’s post, all open adoptions look differently. I wondered what their would look like. I was hopeful. Today, she laid it all out for her readers.
What Open Adoption Is happens to be an in depth look at what their open adoption will be like, what open adoption is not and a gentle yet firm eductional jaunt through some issues, beliefs, hopes and fears. It’s refreshing to me to see an adoptive family so firm and secure in their roles so early on in a relationship. I can only believe that will be beneficial for all involved as time pases.
Some of my favorite points are how the author speaks about her child’s birth mother. In fact, I absolutely loved her well-stated point on visits.
We will go to visit K at least four times a year, and we want to. This woman entrusted her child to us to raise, and we love to see her face as she watches him grow. Do we “owe” it to her? No, I don’t think so. We want her to see him. It makes sense to us. It makes sense for the baby as he grows to know his biological heritage and the woman and man who gave him life.
No, nothing is owed. Yet to this family, it makes sense for reasons of their own. I think it is important to state that they don’t feel like they owe the birth mother anything because I’ve seen that misunderstanding from people untouched by adoption, assuming that they only reason adoptive parents keep in contact with birth family members is by a sense of forlorn obligation. Again, refreshing to see a family stating, plain as day, that is not the case in their situation.
One little bit that hit home with me is how she speaks of her child’s birthmother here:
I want to buy K a charm bracelet after our 6-month finalization period and include a charm that we will share – maybe a bust of a boy’s head or an initial or something. I want her to feel like a mother, because she is one. She is not parenting her child, that’s where DH and I come in. We don’t see any reason why she shouldn’t be able to see him and know him, and him her.
I got a little weepy on “I want her to feel like a mother, because she is one.” I did. I admit it. It’s not always an easy thing to feel like a mother when you are not parenting your child. Society does not treat you like one. You don’t have anything (but possibly some stretch marks) to show for it. And so to be thought of and treated like this by your child’s adoptive mother can mean the absolute world. My heart swells.
The post is moving. I’m hoping against hope that it hasn’t stemmed from family members, friends or random strangers giving them a hard time about their decision to move forward with openness in their adoption. However, knowing the grief that J & D got and the things that have been said, even to me, I fear that may be the cause behind the post. All the same, this family knows where they stand. They know how they feel. And even if people are over-stepping boundaries into personal family decisions, this family sounds like they know what they want for their child.
Oh, by the way? Give the rest of their blog a read. The baby? Oh, he’s a cute, cute kid!
That’s a fresh outlook for your weekend. Enjoy it!
(If you see something next Thursday night or Friday morning that you think would bring my readers a fresh outlook to their weekend, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me or leave a comment. I read a ride array of blogs, articles and forums and get a lot of alerts in my inbox but I can’t be in all places on the internet at the same time. Be my eyes!)
That gives me a lot of hope. Someone gets it!