While searching for something new and fresh on Thursday nights and Friday mornings, I must admit that I tend to look at domestic adoption news stories, group/forum discussions and blogs more often than the international set. My experience lies with domestic adoption and I feel most comfortable talking about issues within my realm of experience. However, today's Fresh Outlook comes from an international adoption blog.

251Michigan is adopting from Guatemala. In her post, dated Wednesday, she talks about conversations with her mother, her neighbor and their own personal views about their son's birth mother. (A son that they are waiting to adopt. Pictures on the blog. CUTE, CUTE, CUTE!) Her mother broached the subject of the "real mom" (the mother's words, not mine!) during a phone conversation and it went downhill quickly. The conversation, which I urge you to go and read, basically pits closed adoption era mindset against the knowledge that we have now regarding openness, if not specifically in contact then simply in understanding one's roots.

I giggled while reading the exchange between mother and grown daughter. I do believe, while not on the same exact subjectry but something resembling it, my own mother and I have had remarkably similar "discussions." The whole, "You're being defensive," and "No, I'm just disagreeing," could have been written by me (or, depending on the topic, my mom!)!

251Michigan goes on to explain some of the background story and an exchange about adoption with her neighbor. The following paragraph got me where it counts:

I had to fight back tears. I don’t want Alejandro to go through that. I don’t want him to worry about my feelings when it comes to his birth mother. I want her to be a normal part of his narrative. Alejandro will have four adopted first cousins. Each of them has their own story. He’ll have his. We’ve sent a letter to his birthmother (that our attorneys assure us they’ll give to her when appropriate). We just wanted her to know that we respect where he comes from—his language, his culture, his history, his birth family. That we’re connected forever through this child and that if she feels comfortable, we’d like to share pictures and updates with her…and be sure to share with him anything it is she wants him to know about her.

What a beautiful sentiment, don't you think? Earlier in the post, there was a confession of original international intent: to avoid the birth mother issue. However, the confession is followed immediately behind with: "We feel differently today."

Like last week, I think it's important to acknowledge that our own thoughts and feelings change through the adoption experience. Admitting those changes and sharing them with others can only help foster more understanding and, hopefully, compassion for all involved.

I have a good friend who has located her son's birth mother. He was adopted internationally over six years ago. Perhaps I will interview her for next week's Fresh Outlook Friday. With so many people wrongly assuming that families only choose international adoption to avoid the birth mother contigent, stories like these need to be told. Even still, while some may start out with that mindset, such as 251Michigan courageously admitted, sharing stories like these might help to enlighten the masses.

We can only hope. Have a refreshing weekend!

(PS - All of this said, different countries view relinquishment and birth mothers in a different light than even here in the United States. While we often openly ridicule those who place, other countries have been known to beat and murder birth mothers when they learn of the relinquishment. Be sure you know your country's viewpoints on the subject before deciding to start an international search.)

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Other posts in the Fresh Outlook Friday series:
5. When Thoughts Change. 2.2.07
4. Open Adoption for All - Part Two. 1.26.07
3. Open Adoption for All - Part One. 1.26.07
2. A New Family Formed. 1.19.07
1. What Open Adoption Is. 1.12.07.