Hey, if everyone else is doing it, I can do the Four Things About Adoption meme, too. I'm a sheep. It's true.(In fact, so can you. Feel free to post this on your blog with your own answers. Let me know if you do because I'd love to read your answers! Be a sheep, too!)

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

1. Adoption was only something rich people did. (If you grew up in a rural area, you get this one.)

2. All adopted children came from another country.

3. That Princess Diana and Prince Charles were my real (yes, I used that word) parents but they had to "give me up" (yes, I used that phrase) because I was born (1981) before they got married. (While this was a joke, imagine my further shock and surprise when I learned, at age thirteen, that my Mother was pregnant with me when she and my Dad got married.)

4. If your parents didn't like you or if you were really, really bad, they could "give you away." (Which contradicts my understanding of adoption in number two but, alas, it was something I believed.)


Four things I've learned since then:

1. Adoption agencies aren't the be all and end all of adoption knowledge and shouldn't be trusted to share all of the pertinent information with their "clients."

2. Families are families, even if they look different and live in different houses.

3. Princess Diana was not my biological mother. But I still mourned her loss.

4. Grief and loss permeate all sides of the triad.

Four silly things people have said to me about adoption:

1. "Open adoption will confuse her!" Right. She's so confused.

2. "You'll get over it." Uh. What?

3. "Coercion doesn't exist anymore! It's all voluntary. I mean, you chose this, so you shouldn't be sad." Mmhmm. Right.

4. "Do you know who her father is?" Uh, between all of my non-existent boozing and imaginary promiscuity, yeah, I'm still 100% certain. But thanks for indirectly calling me a whore!

Four ways my placed child has surprised me:
(Obviously, I had to change the wording here. Sigh.)

1. When she busted out with "One Mommy, Two Mommies!"

2. How easy it has been to bond with her over the years. I'm not particularly sure why this is surprising to me but I think it has something to do with the fact that "birth parents have nothing to offer their children" and the way it is shoved down society's throat as a whole.

3. How young she understood the basics of her adoption. (I've got a blog, both personal and here, coming about a recent conversation she had with another cousin who was adopted (international) and how she understands, point blank, who I am to her.)

4. How much she looks like me. It's unnerving at times to see someone who mirrors your facial expressions and your eyes and various other features... but isn't raised in your own home. That said, she's beautiful!


Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

1. Coercion is alive and well in this century. Agencies and attorneys often have a conflict of interest when they are dealing with both the potential adoptive family and the expectant family. Something needs to change.

2. Records need to be opened. Yesterday. Adoptees have a right to know their biological history. They are not second class citizens.

3. Open adoption is not as big and scary as some people (inside and outside of adoption) want the world to believe. It's hard work, that's for sure, but it's possible to make it work for each individual family.

4. Birth mothers are not crack whores, alcoholics, druggies, sex addicts, low-life pond-scum suckers, baby-stealers or cold, heartless wenches. Or any of the other number of stereotypes that permeate the minds of our society. That said, it's true that some birth moms are some of these things. It's also true that some x-subsect-of-parent are some of these things. Don't judge the whole by a part.

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For more, read:

1. Callf or Birth Mom Bloggers: HELP!

2. I Don't Think Like You!



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