Comments on: Forgiving Your Own Parents http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/forgiving-your-own-parents A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:02:45 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: susieloo http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/forgiving-your-own-parents/comment-page-1#comment-3217 susieloo Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:32:02 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/06/forgiving-your-own-parents#comment-3217 I had a long talk with my mum today.Its nearly 29years since I relinquished my daughter. We have been reunion now for ten years. Since meeting my daughter i have slowly started to talk about the pain I suffered and the pain that still rips at my heart if I think too hard! I think it is finally sinking in with my mum...she just couldn't get it to start with. I have just fed her little bits of my grief from time to time, and since being on line and reading others stories I have felt stronger and stronger in speaking out. I also have quotes and stories to relay to her...really saying " Hey mum, its not just me you know. There are 100's suffering from this archaic industry"<br /> I dont think she could bare to think that I was so hurt inside, her defence mechanism I suppose. I am looking forward to her next visit so I can plonk her down in front of this computer to do some reading for herself. She won't mind...her brain is as inquisitive as mine once she gets on a roll!<br /> I still can't see how a mum of 4, who loves her kids dearly, can still take so long to acknowlege my greif!<br /> Susie I had a long talk with my mum today.Its nearly 29years since I relinquished my daughter. We have been reunion now for ten years. Since meeting my daughter i have slowly started to talk about the pain I suffered and the pain that still rips at my heart if I think too hard! I think it is finally sinking in with my mum…she just couldn’t get it to start with. I have just fed her little bits of my grief from time to time, and since being on line and reading others stories I have felt stronger and stronger in speaking out. I also have quotes and stories to relay to her…really saying ” Hey mum, its not just me you know. There are 100’s suffering from this archaic industry”
I dont think she could bare to think that I was so hurt inside, her defence mechanism I suppose. I am looking forward to her next visit so I can plonk her down in front of this computer to do some reading for herself. She won’t mind…her brain is as inquisitive as mine once she gets on a roll!
I still can’t see how a mum of 4, who loves her kids dearly, can still take so long to acknowlege my greif!
Susie

]]> By: Faith Allen http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/forgiving-your-own-parents/comment-page-1#comment-3216 Faith Allen Tue, 07 Aug 2007 16:10:39 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/06/forgiving-your-own-parents#comment-3216 I agree that forgiveness is about healing yourself and not dependent upon the other person's actions. I will never get an apology for the very deep hurts that my parents and others inflicted upon me through abuse. To wait for that apology gives them the power to keep me unhappy. Instead, I have taken my power back by choosing to focus on healing myself rather than nurse the bitterness for their actions. By making this choice, over a long period of time, I am becoming free of the pain.<br /> <br /> Good post!!<br /> <br /> - Faith I agree that forgiveness is about healing yourself and not dependent upon the other person’s actions. I will never get an apology for the very deep hurts that my parents and others inflicted upon me through abuse. To wait for that apology gives them the power to keep me unhappy. Instead, I have taken my power back by choosing to focus on healing myself rather than nurse the bitterness for their actions. By making this choice, over a long period of time, I am becoming free of the pain.

Good post!!

- Faith

]]> By: susieloo http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/forgiving-your-own-parents/comment-page-1#comment-3215 susieloo Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:23:54 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/06/forgiving-your-own-parents#comment-3215 "Why didn't you tell me how much I was going to love my child? You knew. I had no clue." <br /> your whole blog was fantastic to read.I guess I justified my forgiveness by rationalising that we are all a product of our times. They did what they thought was right at the time.<br /> I have never talked to my birthdaughter about this. Ironically she is more like my dad than his other 12 granchildren. I saw tears in his eyes when he first met her.<br /> Mistakes were made...we have to look forward.<br /> susie “Why didn’t you tell me how much I was going to love my child? You knew. I had no clue.”
your whole blog was fantastic to read.I guess I justified my forgiveness by rationalising that we are all a product of our times. They did what they thought was right at the time.
I have never talked to my birthdaughter about this. Ironically she is more like my dad than his other 12 granchildren. I saw tears in his eyes when he first met her.
Mistakes were made…we have to look forward.
susie

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