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Finding my therapist was a two and a half year process. I ran into road blocks from the agency I placed through, insurance company changes and, of all things, escalating gas prices. It’s true! I simply didn’t want to drive an hour or more, one way, to get to a therapy appointment when I was driving a gas-guzzling SUV. It wasn’t an option on our budget.
One of my bigger issues was vastly important in locating the right therapist. I wanted someone who had adoption experience. I preferred someone who had experience with birthparents in open adoption but apparently they are few and far between in the rural midwest. I’ve written about my eventual great find in a therapist in these two posts: Part One, Part Two. Now I’m going to help other firstparents who need some assistance in locating a mental health provider.
First of all, let me say this before I say anything else: I am not a doctor. I am not a mental health professional. That should be a good disclaimer! I’m just someone who has travelled this road and wants to make it a little bit easier for those who follow in my footsteps.
Step 1. Step 1 poses and issue for some who will read this post. Step 1 assumes that you are still an expectant Mother who has not yet given birth to your child. Step 1 assumes that you will be making an open adoption plan with an ethical agency and an ethical family. That said, do not turn down counseling and/or therapy. If the agency is only offering you counseling at their agency with one of their counselors for a set amount of time or appointments, either find a different agency or stand up and demand legitimate counseling. If they won’t budge, continue to follow the rest of the steps provided to find adequate therapy. 
Step 2. Ask friends and family. If you are uncomfortable asking friends or family for a decent mental health professional in your area, consider popping in the adoption forums Depression and Therapy Support for birthparents and asking for advice in your area. Note: as it would be a fee based service, responses would come to you via Private Message, so don’t forget to check your inbox! If you receive no or little response from friends, family or the forums, move on to Step 3!
Step 3. Consult your insurance company. If you don’t have an insurance company, skip to Step 4. You can use their website or call and talk to a representative. Personally, I like to look at what the website says, see what coverage it says that I have and then call a representative to clarify everything that I just read. Sometimes insurance companies are great at not only letting you know what you are eligible for in regards to mental health services but they may also list nearby therapists. If your company isn’t as cool as mine, move on to Step 4.
Step 4. Utilize the internet. Just becuase your insurance company doesn’t have a decent website or representative doesn’t mean that you can’t find someone via the internet’s resources. Personally, after a bit of research, I find Emindhealth.com’s provider search to be highly useful. In the advanced search, they do list adoption as one of the specialties that you can select. Hopefully your area has more than mine! There are also many other resources to seek out mental health providers online. Use Google or another search engine to find which one fits your issue and your state the best! If you’re still coming up empty handed or if you found one you’d like to call, move on to Step 5.
Step 5. For those without insurance and those whose companies aren’t offering much information as to who has what experience in what areas, it’s time to hit the phone book. I went through this process prior to changing insurance companies. It’s not fun, I’ll just let you know that right now. Get out your phone book, find how your phone company has mental health professionals listed (for example, ours are listed under) and start dialing. You’ll end up speaking to the receptionist. For those who located a provider online, this is where you come in as well. Carry on a conversation that goes something like this:
You: Hi, this is Jane Doe calling to see if Dr. Smith has any experience with adoption issues?
Receptionist: What kind of issues?
You: Adoption issues.
Receptionist: Oh. No.
You will get a few like that one. When you get your first yes, don’t stop. Call a few more. Ask a few more questions. In fact, most importantly, ask if you can set up an interview with the provider to see if they have the kind of experience you are looking for at this time. Most therapists who aren’t overly concerned with money, will set up a quick interview either on the phone or face to face. If they will not, do not feel obligated to make an appointment.
I’ll talk more about what kind of questions to ask and other important things in regards to finding the “right” therapist for your birthparent issues in my next installment. Stay tuned!
Illustration from images.com.
