I spent a week and some odd days talking about Mother’s Day and how the day affects the birth mother masses. In the past, I’ve just made a solitary post each year about Father’s Day and those biological fathers in our midst. I don’t think that’s quite fair, do you? So we’re going to bump it up a notch here on the Birth Parent Blog.
But I need some help from others. Mainly because I’m not a birth father. Or a father. Or a man.
I will be discussing some general stuff, such as ideas for Father’s Day presents for biological fathers involved in open adoptions. I’ll have some tips for wives who are married to birth fathers (but don’t share the relinquished child) as to how they might acknowledge their husband’s child and, as such, his fatherhood. I’ll have some good stories along the way. But I do need a bit of your help.
Are you a birth father? How does this day make you feel? Do you do anything special to acknowledge your fatherhood, your child or your loss? Do you ignore it, purposefully or subconsciously?
Are you an adoptive parent? Do you acknowledge your child’s biological father on Father’s Day? If not, do you acknowledge your child’s birth mother on Mother’s Day? We so often see families celebrating the (adopted) child’s “two mothers” but we don’t often see a celebration of two fathers. There are certain reasons for this but I’m wondering if it isn’t a bit of gender bias as well. Your thoughts?
Are you an adult adoptee? Do you acknowledge both your biological and adoptive father on Father’s Day? Have you found that one party or the other doesn’t want recognized? Or resents your recognition of the other? Do you feel conflicted on days like Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Are you a parent yet? Has your view of days like these changed since starting your own family?
And, finally, since I’m all about the questions today: are you a birth mother? How does Father’s Day make you feel with regards to your relinquished child and his/her biological father? Are you able to set aside resentment and wish him a happy day or not? Does his involvement or lack thereof make you feel happy, sad, angry or ambivalent? Despite what may have been a rocky past, are you able to let him “have his day” whether he acknowledges it or not?
You can answer these questions, in whole or in part, either via a comment to this post or by e-mailing jennah at adoptionblogs dot com. Of note: comments with a nasty tone towards birth father’s in general will be deleted. While you can speak specifically about your situation, generalizations are not welcome and will not be tolerated. Own your words.
For more on birth fathers, read these posts.