December 26th, 2011
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friendsI spent last night playing various board games–Taboo, Scattergories, and a few others. It was fun, and despite plans of a movie falling through, it has been a decent holiday. The feelings of yesterday seemed to have their place, and the sorrow and grief that threatened to encompass me are sitting at my side like a faithful dog.

I am choosing to allow them to be expressed; allowing myself to feel what I¬†traditionally¬†hid from. It’s not that I didn’t deal with them, I just wasn’t willing to incorporate them into my life. Finding joy in the small things, like spending time with family and friends, is healing and therapeutic.

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It’s funny how adoption changes things; how it makes simple things a touch more difficult. Yet when your family knows and understands, and loves you when you have nothing else to call yours, then you end up where I am and it is not so bad.

I have friends who understand and watch me go through the roller coaster of emotions around this time of year and family who understand when I need a safe haven to call home…

Sunday, my best friend came to church with me, and it was really awesome. She comes from a more traditional background, but despite that, we were able to connect once again and see one another. She gets it. She accepts it.

The blog I wrote previously around Thanksgiving, “That’s what best friends are for,” was about her. Friends and family are so important to have as support. If you don’t have family, then surround yourself with friends.

There is this quote by Edna Buchanan: “Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.”

I am taken back to days of coming home after school with my best friend to watch Sailor Moon movies and cartoons and I remember becoming more embraced by my Uncle and his Family, the Warners. I remember every Christmas and I remember the night after I came home from the hospital. Mom had to work that night so I was going to be alone. If I had been left alone, I don’t believe I would have made it through the night without doing something really stupid. I probably cried too loud. ¬†I was so stuck in the midst of my grief then…

Through acts of the past, acts of kindness and compassion, family and friends have saved my life. In this, I have been able to help others, and to freely write about my experiences. I consider myself extremely blessed to have a family support like mine. My heart feels more whole than before.

Off to watch A Christmas Story with my family… :)

Be blessed wherever you are, and know you are loved.

Nellie J.

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