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Recently on the forums, the discussion of family trees and school projects was a hot topic. I offered up some different variations of the family tree that I had come across in my jaunts through adoption themed information on the web. There are some who are of the opinion that schools need to drop the project of family trees all together or, at the very least, drop the traditional tree motif due to the ever changing family landscape. I see the points all have made. They’re all valid!
But my question varies a little bit. Instead of asking how the adopted child is supposed to fashion her family tree, I ask this: how the heck is Nicholas supposed to fashion his?
Not only do I deal with the anxiety that Munchkin may some day deal with this project and feel uncomfortable (though, with our open communication, I would hope that isn’t an issue) but I have to worry about how to help my Son complete such a project.
This worry is only further exacerbated by the fact that we may be sending our non-Catholic son to a Catholic elementary school. So, now, not only am I worried about Munchkin and Nicholas but now I’m worried about the day the projects are presented and I pick my Son up from school only to have nuns look at me disdainfully and think, “Sinner.”
Argh.
So how does a child whose half-sibling was placed for (open) adoption indicate that on his family tree? How do you teach a young child to field questions about adoption and his birthmother? How do you prep a child to handle the sometimes negative reaction of people who assume that the stereotypes regarding firstmothers are absolutely, 100% correct?
Of course, I will follow all of the advice presented by the amazing parents on the forums and let Nicholas lead the way in regards to a family tree project. If he doesn’t want to include Munchkin, we won’t. If the next time he has one like that, he does want to include her, we will.
But just for the record: Munchkin IS on the family tree in Nick’s baby book.
Since Jesus taught forgiveness, mercy, and redemption, I would hope most nuns wouldn’t look at you and think “sinner,” but would look at you with kindness and mercy and see a good person with a kind, loving heart who simply has two children, one who lives with her and one who doesn’t.
They really might not be that hard on you, Jenna. Not that I can look into the future or read their minds, but if they really do follow Christ’s teachings, then they certainly won’t be so hard on you.
I’ve already faced this problem Jenna and I just let Noah take the lead!
Ok, I just went and looked at the forum link. I love the examples you showed. Charlie’s amom and I have discussed this before and she said she would want his birthfamily acknowledged so I’m gonna send those to her. Great resources!
I agree you should encourage your son to do what he feels best about. I used to spend alot of time worrying about how others viewed myself and my family. I allowed it way to much importance for too long. People are going to think what they want to think, you can’t control that. You however know what the truth of your life is, they don’t. If anyone else has a problem, remember it’s their problem…not yours.
I gave my son the “roots and branches” family tree poster Brenda Romanchik put out through R-Squared Press.
Right after our reunion, my third-grade daughter took her grown adoptee brother to school (Catholic) for show and tell! It went great!
Hi Jenna – I know you posted this awhile ago but I am looking though some of the old blogs before I found this site. I tried looking at the link but couldn’t open the link to look at family trees. When you get a moment can you e-mail the examples of family trees?
Thanks
chance.2003@hotmail.com