At the time of reunion, most birth grandparents embrace the relinquished grandchild back into the fold of the family. Some birth grandparents may grieve the loss of their grandchild very deeply. They may be jubilant that their child is given an opportunity to finally know their son or daughter. They may also enjoy getting the chance to finally know their grandchild.

Other birth grandparents are rigid and unwavering and have no interest in their relinquished grandchildren. This seems to be the exception. These birth grandparents may believe that the adoption was the best decision and that “drudging up the past” is ill-advised. Some older birth grandparents may cling to rigid beliefs that closed adoptions should remain that way. However, many are pleasantly surprised that even elderly birth grandparents may embrace a reunion.

Although birth grandparents are probably most guilty of exerting pressure of their children, other family members played a part as well. Relationships with other relatives who refused to help can be affected as well. Sometimes fences can be mended. Other times, it is virtually impossible.

If family members can have frank and honest discussions about the adoption, they may be able to work through many of the issues presented to them. The best chance to resolve issues is to talk about them, and sometimes ask for forgiveness when appropriate. However, in many families, the parties are unable and/or unwilling to talk about an adoption.

Adoption and reunion both have wide-reaching effects on not only the two main parties involved, but on many family members. When considering an adoption or a reunion, I think one can expect the ripples to permeate throughout a family. When you separate or reunite a mother and child, there are many others involved, and the affects on others will sometimes be quite dramatic.