Nancy; Sometimes I wish God was faster on the uptake with the healing, ya know? Apparently I’m also learning about patience. HA!

Julie; Ah, learning about grace daily is something that can benefit us all. It’s not always easy but definitely good. Thank you for your kind words!

I agree…one awesome post! And exactly the way I feel about free will/predestination. I’m glad you have been able to realize that He is not asking you to “atone for your sin” but is instead is there to help you through your anger.

I can relate to that. There are days, many days, I want to rage at God that I did not “choose” to parent such a disabled child! But I did choose to adopt…with all the potential risks inherent to that decision. LuLu didn’t choose her disabilities either. But we do choose to keep turning toward God. So we go on…learning about faith and grace…daily.

I agree that He wants to use you for a specific purpose for unwed mothers and birthparents. It will be exciting to watch that unfold!

Jenna, this was one awesome post. Your pain touches me so deeply. And I so feel for my daughter and her birthmom… a wound for each that no one can’t heal…except God in His way and His timing…

I read one adoptive mother who once blithely commented that if China is narrowing who can adopt due to less children available, then she hoped something would happen such as a power outage in China over a few days that would lead to more intercourse and more babies available for adoption.

To say I was horrified at her viewpoint would be an understatement and I wondered at the time how many others might feel as she did. I wish I knew how to contact her to direct her to your blog. You have shared openly and honestly and given me a viewpoint that means much as I ponder what my children’s birthparents must feel. Thanks so much for sharing!

Heidi

I talk about destiny bringing us and Nate together, about God bringing us and Nate together — but not in the way of Him having Nate’s birth mother go through a pregnancy just to relinquish Nate so that we could then raise her child as ours. Not in that way at all. Well, when we were in the difficult waiting period, it was a way of thinking like, “if there’s a child who needs parents, lead us to the one who ‘belongs’ (for lack of a better word) to us and to whom we belong.” In that way. I don’t know if that makes sense.

I think God can be seen in the relationship that you’ve forged with J and D, in the special family that all of you have formed, in the way that Munchkin understands that she has 2 mommies, in the moments of grace that you feel despite all of the difficulties that adoption brings to you. That’s how I see God in difficult things. In the people He’s brought into your life who have blessed your life. That’s where God has come in. My opinion, of course.

momtowidget; thanks. It’s hard to explain. While I felt that I didn’t have a choice, it’s hard to explain free will and how it plays into all of this. It’s confusing to me at times as well and I do, as I said, have my angry (as heck) days.

Judy; thanks. I think this has been the first time I’ve made legitimate sense out of the subjectry.

Let me start by saying that God did not enter into my carrying my pregnancy to term. I gave birth before Roe v. Wade. For the record, I am pro-choice (first trimester only-not partial birth) and a woman’s right to choose is an issue I weigh heavily when I vote. However, had it been legal in 1970, I don’t know if I would or wouldn’t have chosen to carry the pregnancy to term. If I did, it would have had more to do with wanting the baby and a fantasy that I would be allowed to parent than belief that aborion was wrong.

Anent God and placement….I had a relationship with God before I placed and was more religious than most of my family members. However, I believe that God abandoned me (the lights went out) when He/She allowed (despite my fervent prayers and chronic begging God to help me) my parents and the church-based agency I went to for HELP to coerce me to place. There was no free will, no choice in my case. Frankly, since then, living with the decision others made with me, has been so painful I wished they had just taken the baby and euthanized me. (No I am not suicidal and yes, I have been to therapy…years…and it doesn’t help) I have tried all of my life (and it has been 36 years since I was forced to place) to reconnect with God; to believe God is there for me. I was married in a church; I belonged to a church while the children I parented were growing up; they went to parochial schools; I was a choir director; liturgical dance director, etc. etc. I prayed, I tried, I looked for answers, I did all the right things. As a La Leche League leader, I devoted a year to supporting an unwed mother with a crisis pregnancy to breastfeed and in otherwise developing parenting skills. I thought this might atone for my sins (whatever they were….was God angry because I had premarital sex or because I didn’t overcome my parents’ will and that of the agency and find a way to parent the child He/She gave me?) No good. When my son found me 16 years ago, I did everything in my power to make it up to him (his placement). I’ve tried about everything, but just feel that God walked out on me back in 1970 and never returned. I have not had a happy life except for the wonderful children I parented.