
Some of my earliest memories are of my Mother praying with me before I went to sleep each night. She would pray for the Lord to watch over me as I slept. She would pray that I would be safe. She would pray over any current issues or ailments. What I most remember, however, is how my Mother used to pray that I would "grow up to be the woman that God wanted me to be."
I nightly pray that prayer for the Munchkin.
For me, not her everyday mother, my only prayer for that to come true, pun intended, is prayer. For example, by growing up under my mother's wing, I knew that I wanted to be a strong woman who didn't let "the man" bring her down. (I also learned some things that I didn't want to be or do but don't we all!) I knew that I wanted to be a Christian woman. I knew that I wanted a family. It was through the daily influence of my mother that I learned a lot about being a successful woman, mother and wife. She had her downfalls, don't get me wrong, but I am proud of my mother despite and differences we may have encountered along our life journeys.
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Thanks to open adoption, I can and plan to be a positive influence in her life. However, I won't be that daily presence in her life. Yes, she will know that I am strong, successful and determined woman. She will know the importance I put in keeping my marriage strong and alive. She will understand how deeply I love my children, herself being included, by my words and my actions. She will know how my faith plays into all of these aspects of my life.
But I don't get to be her guide. That's D's job. (Well, and J. But we're talking Mom-Stuff here!) For her daily problems, she will turn to D. For answers to the hard-hitting questions in life, she will turn to D. With broken hearts, she will turn to D. I entrusted all of that stuff to D when I placed the Munchkin in their home. I trust that D will raise her to the best of her ability with many of the ideals that I also believe in and attempt to achieve in my life. As I placed the Munchkin in their home, I also put my total faith in God's power that He would help her to grow to be the woman He wants her to be.
Not who I want her to be. (Hello! President Munchkin has a nice ring to it!) Not who J or D want her to be. (Though she did look awfully cute in those doctor's scrubs she had when she was younger!) Not who her brothers think that she should be. But who God wants her to be.
I pray that through all of the triumphs and tribulations that she will face in her life that God will be with her. I pray that He will lead her on the path that He has chosen. I pray that when she chooses other paths in life (because, don't we all?) that she will feel a guiding force back towards where she is meant to be.
It's a test to my faith, really, to have the future of the Munchkin completely out of my hands. Then again, that's what the prayer is about in the first place, isn't it? My Mom didn't pray that prayer with the contigency of, "as long as you don't let her become a stay-at-home-mom, Lord." Obviously, I pray the same thing for our son, Nicholas. While I am that daily presence and influence in his life, I still pray that, no matter what, he will grow to be the man that the Lord wants him to be.
Parenting, in any form, is a test to one's faith, I believe. I pray for the strength to make it through...
Do you pray for the child that you placed? What are your prayers like? Likewise, what do you, who are parenting children either by adoption or birth, pray for your children? How are these prayers different? How are they similar?
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Read more in the series of Faith and Adoption:
3.
Where is God in Placement? 01.21.07
2.
Unwed Pregnancy Woes. 01.14.07
1.
A New Series. 01.07.07