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Birth-First Parent Blog

01/28/07

Faith and Adoption: Praying for Your Placed Child

Posted by : Jenna Hatfield in Birth-First Parent Blog at 07:00 am , 725 words, 144 views  
Categories: Religion
Pray!Some of my earliest memories are of my Mother praying with me before I went to sleep each night. She would pray for the Lord to watch over me as I slept. She would pray that I would be safe. She would pray over any current issues or ailments. What I most remember, however, is how my Mother used to pray that I would "grow up to be the woman that God wanted me to be."

I nightly pray that prayer for the Munchkin.

For me, not her everyday mother, my only prayer for that to come true, pun intended, is prayer. For example, by growing up under my mother's wing, I knew that I wanted to be a strong woman who didn't let "the man" bring her down. (I also learned some things that I didn't want to be or do but don't we all!) I knew that I wanted to be a Christian woman. I knew that I wanted a family. It was through the daily influence of my mother that I learned a lot about being a successful woman, mother and wife. She had her downfalls, don't get me wrong, but I am proud of my mother despite and differences we may have encountered along our life journeys.

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Thanks to open adoption, I can and plan to be a positive influence in her life. However, I won't be that daily presence in her life. Yes, she will know that I am strong, successful and determined woman. She will know the importance I put in keeping my marriage strong and alive. She will understand how deeply I love my children, herself being included, by my words and my actions. She will know how my faith plays into all of these aspects of my life.

But I don't get to be her guide. That's D's job. (Well, and J. But we're talking Mom-Stuff here!) For her daily problems, she will turn to D. For answers to the hard-hitting questions in life, she will turn to D. With broken hearts, she will turn to D. I entrusted all of that stuff to D when I placed the Munchkin in their home. I trust that D will raise her to the best of her ability with many of the ideals that I also believe in and attempt to achieve in my life. As I placed the Munchkin in their home, I also put my total faith in God's power that He would help her to grow to be the woman He wants her to be.

Not who I want her to be. (Hello! President Munchkin has a nice ring to it!) Not who J or D want her to be. (Though she did look awfully cute in those doctor's scrubs she had when she was younger!) Not who her brothers think that she should be. But who God wants her to be.

I pray that through all of the triumphs and tribulations that she will face in her life that God will be with her. I pray that He will lead her on the path that He has chosen. I pray that when she chooses other paths in life (because, don't we all?) that she will feel a guiding force back towards where she is meant to be.

It's a test to my faith, really, to have the future of the Munchkin completely out of my hands. Then again, that's what the prayer is about in the first place, isn't it? My Mom didn't pray that prayer with the contigency of, "as long as you don't let her become a stay-at-home-mom, Lord." Obviously, I pray the same thing for our son, Nicholas. While I am that daily presence and influence in his life, I still pray that, no matter what, he will grow to be the man that the Lord wants him to be.

Parenting, in any form, is a test to one's faith, I believe. I pray for the strength to make it through...

Do you pray for the child that you placed? What are your prayers like? Likewise, what do you, who are parenting children either by adoption or birth, pray for your children? How are these prayers different? How are they similar?


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Read more in the series of Faith and Adoption:
3. Where is God in Placement? 01.21.07
2. Unwed Pregnancy Woes. 01.14.07
1. A New Series. 01.07.07

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Chance [Member] Email
My prayers are similar for my adopted son. However, I always try to bring my son's b.mom into our prayers. My son's favorite prayer that he says at night time is "watch over mommy, watch over daddy, watch over _____ (anyone he can think of) sometime the list is short, other time we are there for 10 minutes as he asks God to watch over everyone he has ever had contact with! More often then not he adds "watch over Carrie" (his b.mom) right after mommy and daddy. When I am praying with Chance I also pray to keep Carrie safe. I still remember that as we were approaching his 3rd birthday I wanted him to really get what his birthday meant. That it was the day he came from Carrie's tummy. He knew he came from Carrie's tummy, her knew the term birth mom and who it applied too, but he never associated it with birthdays. But on the night before his 3rd birthday he said his first prayer (beyond the watch over ___ prayer). He said "Dear Jesus - thank you for Carrie's tummy to give birth to Chance". I just cried, his first "real" prayer was for the mother that carried him in his womb and cared and loved him for the first 13 months of his life. I was so proud of him!

I posted that on our family blog that I know Carrie reads and she was really touched too!
PermalinkPermalink 01/28/07 @ 09:29
Comment from: Heidi [Member] Email · http://siblings.adoptionblogs.com
Jenna, I woke up this morning feeling that I needed to share a spiritual post. Sundays are a day for me to turn away from the cares of the world and turn my focus to my relationship with God and Christ.

I saw your post and read back through your others on this series. I love what you are doing and would like to do something similar on my blog--share how my faith relates to my adoptions. I come from the other side of the coin being an adoptive mother rather than a mother who placed a child for adoption, but I couldn't have dealt with many of the difficulties we have faced in our adoptions if it wasn't for my faith and trust in God. Thanks for your inspiring posts.
PermalinkPermalink 01/28/07 @ 09:32
Comment from: thomasina [Member] Email
I prayed a lot when I was growing up; that is, pre-forced relinquishment/closed adoption. As I have shared in the past, I believed firmly (and still believe) that God had abandoned me after I was forced to place. After all, I had bargained with God, plead, whatever, because I had so believed he could help me. He/She didn't answer. The worst still happened. Ater that, I didn't bother much with prayer. I didn't think there was any point. Oh, I went through the motions; I took the children I raised to church and I sent them to parochial school where they learned about prayer. I guess I thought that religion was something they should experience. I tried praying for the child that I was forced to relinquish a few times; I was desperate to know he was safe and happy and what else could I do but pray, just in case it might do some good. . I prayed for the first child I raised; I remember asking that she never have to feel the kind of despair my mother made me feel. I think it was more of a heartfelt expression of emotion more than something I believed was being heard and considered by a Supreme Being.
In spite of my personal experiences, I think you are lucky to have the comfort and hope that your faith gives you.
PermalinkPermalink 01/28/07 @ 16:59
Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member] Email · http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/
Chance; thank you for sharing that sweet story. I got a little misty eyed.

Heidi; Thank you for your kind words. :)

Thomasina; as always, I learn from you when you share with me. Thank you.
PermalinkPermalink 01/29/07 @ 10:36
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