Comments on: Faith and Adoption: A New Series

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 14:31:16 +0000

Jan; difficult at best does hit the nail on the head, doesn’t it?

Chance; thanks. I’m looking forward to writing SOME of it. Other parts seem somewhat big and scary.

By: Chance

Chance — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 05:41:26 +0000

I look forward to reading Jenna

By: Chance

Chance — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 05:40:55 +0000

I look forward to reading Jenna

By: Jan Baker

Jan Baker — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 01:27:22 +0000

Forgiveness is one of the toughest tasks for birth mothers to achieve -that includes any religious advisors and themselves.

I know many birth moms who totally rejected their religious beliefs after their relinquishments even very strong ones. Many have been able to forgive enough to do so – it is difficult at best.

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:48:30 +0000

Actually, thomasina, I’m hoping to learn something myself in creating/writing this series. I think there’s always more to learn by looking at your own situation, discussing it with others and learning others’ experiences. So please keep sharing yours.

opal; While I can’t claim to be an expert on the topic, I can share my story. Don’t hesitate to ask questions or share your own. Thanks for reading.

By: Opalwench

Opalwench — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 23:11:57 +0000

Jenna, I’m really looking forward to this series, as it’s something that I am struggling with myself. While my crisis of faith existed before my crisis pregnancy and my daughter’s adoption, I think that those events have helped me realize that I need to face my thoughts on religion and faith and things related.

By: thomasina

thomasina — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 23:04:47 +0000

Thanks for understanding. Please know that I am happy for you and any other first mothers who have found emotional solace and peace in their spirituality and in God. Maybe I’ll learn something from you all by reading this series .

By: thomasina

thomasina — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 23:04:09 +0000

Thanks for understanding. Please know that I am happy for you and any other first mothers who find emotional solace and peace in their spirituality and in God. Maybe I’ll learn something from you all by reading this series .

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 22:41:13 +0000

Thomasina; the things you speak of are not unique to your experience or even adoption in general… sadly. Many have been through things for which they can’t forgive God. I think the reason I’ve been able to do so is because I placed the blame mostly on myself; not exactly healthy EITHER but a glimpse into my perspective.

For me, getting back to my faith was a part of my healing. I’m not all there yet, don’t get me wrong. I have my angry at God days, which I’ll talk about in this series. But when I was without my faith in general, I was in a much worse position, emotional and spiritually. IT’s different for everyone, like everything else in adoption… which makes it so hard to help others, ya know?

By: thomasina

thomasina — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 22:24:19 +0000

You have come a long way; much further than I have. I have never been able to forgive God for allowing my parents and the agency to coerce me into relinquishing my son. Oh, I went through the motions for years, taking my children to church (they even went to Catholic school) and otherwise being involved in the church community (I was a liturgical dance director, choir director) . I thought it was good for them to learn about the Ten Commandments and the contexts for their holidays. I’ve even tried to pray now and then, but I don’t believe that God is there for me. Maybe for other people, but not for me. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen.
I think the other problem I have with church is that “church people” tend to be judgmental (the sin thing, you know…and those of us who had premarital sex and got pregnant are generally put into the Mary Magdalene category.) They also tend to see relinquishment as a wonderful thing that should be encouraged. After all, it puts the product of the sinful act back into the context of marriage. Since this is the very attitude that led to an act (coerced relinquishment) that pretty much ruined my life, I have a hard time being around it now that my parented children are grown and I don’t have to anymore.
Every now and then, I miss church and things about church, but it’s just too hard for me to get past the anger, the feelings of betrayal and hopelessness I associate with it.