I've decided that I will use Sunday to talk about my faith, the struggles I have had both inside and outside of the immediate adoption world and how I am continuing on in my faith. I figure in order to create such a series here on the blog, you probably need some background information to get on the same page and understand where I've been and where I plan on going in the future. So, welcome to a Trip Down Jenna's Faith, 101.

I was raised in a Christian home, baptized in the Methodist church. My Mother was the daughter of a Methodist preacher who refused to come to the wedding because my Mother was pregnant. (He also refused to come to my Aunt's wedding because alcohol was being served. Needless to say, we didn't even invite him to my wedding. I digress already! Oops!)

Throughout my youth, we attended a Presbyterian church with a strong youth group. I also attended a non-denominational church camp in the summer that my family had been attending since the 60's. My great-grandfather built the cottage that we still stay in for ten days every July. Both the youth group that I was involved with, the camp and some great-grandparents who prayed incessantly helped me find my own personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

That's not to say I made wise choices all of the time or, you know, listened to God. I struggled a lot with depression and other things as I finished high school and went off to collge. I refer to my college years as my "doubting years." September 11, 2001 shook my faith to the core during my junior year of college and I began to question everything. While my Mother was mortified, calling me a Satanic worshipper at one point, this period of my life proved to strengthen my relationship with God as I found out answers for myself instead of just basing everything on what my family believed. (For the record, I never worshipped Satan. I made a poor hair dye choice. It happens. Again with the digression!)

I had just started to find footing again in my own personal faith when I found myself pregnant with the Munchkin. I won't expand too much in this post on the issues of faith, placement and subsequent guilt, but to paraphrase, I had a lot of guilt then and I have even more guilt now. Look for some of these issues in future installments in this series.

My Husband and I joined the United Methodist church in our previous town. It is where we were married. It is where Nicholas was baptized. It is where we became a family. We moved. Our Pastor retired. And we found ourselves at our new church, also United Methodist. We're continuing to feel it out, get involved and learn. So far, so good.

I've been working on the guilt both with my therapist and in quiet times with God. It's a hard one. Now, in 2007, I find my faith stronger than it has been in a very long time. I don't have all of the answers as to why my life has taken the twists and turns that it has and thought I would like those answers, I'm learning to find a kind of peace without them at this time. I say a "kind of peace" because it is human nature to question and want answers... now! Yesterday! Last week!

I'm making plans, as I mentioned before, to talk to our new Pastor about my role as a birth mother, my thoughts on adoption and how he needs to understand all of this as the Munchkin and family do attend with us when they are in town. (Or, we try. Have YOU tried to get three kids, three and under ready for church and out the door on time? I can barely manage to get Nick and Josh out the door on time! I digress. Again.) Though I trust, respect and admire our Pastor, it's still a big thing for me to have a discussion about this topic in such a manner. He sees me as an upstanding congregation member with a wonderful family. I am! I just have a bigger family than he thinks I do. (Good way to look at it, right?)

Next Sunday, unless I somehow miraculously talk to our Pastor this week, I will talk about some of my particular issues during my pregnancy with faith and the church. I also want to, eventually, incorporate stories of others' faith and adoption into this series. If you know of someone who would like to be interviewed or share their story, please drop me a comment or e-mail. I think it will be interesting to share the struggles, the triumphs and the disappointments of my brothers and sisters in adoption. That said, I fully understand that not all birth parents share my faith. Understandable. If you don't want to read about Christianity and my walk or, hopefully, the walks and struggles of others, don't read on Sundays. ;)

By the way, in case you were wondering, this series was spurred by Jan's recent post on Religion and Adoption, an older post of Dawn's that asks the same question and a desire to force myself to think about some of these issues so that I can have a better undestanding of my own faith. I hate when I'm asked the question, like on Dawn's blog, and I just can't formulate a coherent answer. So, there you go!