Just remember though times can be difficult the Lord has a bigger plan than we could possibly know of. He sees the entire picture while only a tiny portion is known to us.
Enjoy your beautiful day!

I wish I had your gift of faith.

Remembering God in the good is a really great message. I have been sort of lumbering around through my faith in the last few weeks, not really looking to God when I really should be. Trust and faith.

I am in the midst of a potential reunion with my son. It seems to be put on hold, for whatever reason.

A little history...my husband has been encouraging me for about a year to write to my son (whom I gave up for adoption...closed...almost 20 years ago) and give him an opportunity, a choice about meeting me or at least, have any unanswered questions resolved. I was so afraid of so many things (rejection being probably the most prominent) that I did not really act for several months.

In February, I finally did. I called the agency and asked if it would be OK to send a letter to my son. After some discussion back and forth about the closed adoption status, they finally said it was fine. They called his a-parents and got the official stamp of approval.

I started trying to figure out the best stationary, the right words to say, etc. and made myself a little crazy. In the midst of this, he beat me to the punch. He wrote me a letter, saying how excited he was to hear that I was trying to contact him and he asked me if we could maybe meet. Maybe?! Of course!! He also included some pictures and overall he sounds like a great kid.
Talk about blessing. A am so thankful that he is a "happy guy".

I immediately wrote back, answering some of the questions he had in his letter, and sent back pictures he requested. I gave him contact information, so he could get in touch with me directly. That was the last interaction we have had (about a month has passed).

At first, I was looking at my email and phone messages constantly. I told all of my close friends and family that he asked to meet. My excitement turned to anxiety, at times bordering on disappointment and fear (maybe he really doesn't want to meet now...remember that fear of rejection...). Again, I drove myself a little crazy re-thinking the letter I wrote. Did I overwhelm him? Too much information? Too much emotion? I think I lost sight about how God could use this time in my life to bless me. I wasn't feeling blessed, but there it was, just waiting for me to see it.

In retrospect, I am glad he didn't call right away. I was so consumed with being the 'perfect' birthmom. Since then, it has given me pause for thought and direction from wise women. I am feeling more drawn to God. I feel a little more prepared now.

The book I am reading right now talks about giving up the notion that people, places or things will bring you happiness and fulfillment (that's God's job). It also talks about how even in a situation that we may initially assess as negative, we can find something positive (look for the blessing...)

I have given this situation to God. I have no control over it at all. When the timing is right, it will happen. My expectations have changed. This is about my son, and if my need for connection supersedes any of his needs, I may actually alienate him.

I am SO thankful to have found this blog site. There are many people in my life who are great, supportive people, but to know that there are other women who really "get it" is so valuable.

At this point, I am looking for blessings. My son was raised in a stable, happy home. He is healthy and happy. He's pretty darn cute, too, if I say so myself. I am thankful that in this waiting, I feel peace. I don't know when (or if) we will meet, but it is OK. His timing is my timing. I am thankful now, for this extra time, because I am learning more about the reunion process and a ton about myself. In the end, the reunion will probably go more smoothly because I am growing through all of this.

I guess I am saying that there can be blessing in everything. Sometimes we need to look a little harder to find it. Sometimes, like me, we need a little reminder. I am actively looking for blessing all the time, during the good times and the more challenging times. This change has made a huge difference in how I look at my life.