"This pain and feelings will eventually be replaced with a peace of mind and inner strength knowing that her child can experience a life of opportunities because she made the unselfish decision to give her child to an adoptive family."

This statement is a typical piece of adoption marketing designed to convince pregnant women in crisis that adoption will be the solution to all their problems. Many women fall for gushy lines like this, and later realize the fallacy of these kinds of expectations.

Expectations are a favorite subject of mine when discussing adoption. Unrealistic expectations can wreak havoc with our lives. When our lives do not go as planned, we may feel disappointed, hurt or many other varying emotions. This is never more true than after placing a baby for adoption. Many birth mothers have so many unrealistic expectations spoon fed to them.

People may say that it is hard to accurately explain to mother who places a baby for adoption how she will feel later because every woman is different. We cannot expect all mothers to deal with the loss of their child in the same way. Personally, I think that particular logic is a gigantic cope-out. How most women feel about losing a child to adoption is not that much of a mystery any more.

Studies have been done, books written and there is now a great deal of evidence that details how relinquishment affects most mothers. And yet, some ignore it all when advising a pregnant young woman. Their concerns are not for her.

Granted, placing a child for adoption does not affect every mother in the exact same way. However, there is mounting evidence that placing a child for adoption can cause significant damage to most women. Each individual handles stress or trauma a bit differently. Yet, if you pay attention, you will notice that many birth/first mothers echo many of the same feelings.

As a society, we are not paying attention to the affects that adoption can cause birth parents and adoptees. Hard truths are easy for some to dismiss. Many people refuse to believe that adoption has any negative aspects and promote adoption with no regard for those who live it every day.

Because adoption may sometimes cause pain does not mean that adoption is never the right solution. Being aware of the damage adoption can cause simply means that we should not encourage adoptions except in the direst of circumstances. Women who relinquish for reasons that do not stand the test of time are apt to regret their decision and suffer more than those who believe that they made the right choice.

The quote above comes the New Hope Maternity Home wesbite. If you recall, New Hope is where the recent pan whacking incident took place by three pregnant young escapees.