I recently posed a question on the forums asking birth parents if they dream about their placed child. The response was a resounding, "Yes!" The question was prompted from a dream I had early last week regarding adoption in general. I know that my adoption related dreams intensified after Nick's birth. As some birth mothers shared their dreams with me, I saw a consistent theme: loss.

It's no secret that, for birth parents, adoption involves some kind of loss. Physical loss of the child and emotional loss of firsts and memories you'll never be involved in are often times overwhelming. One birth mother shared a particularly scary dream that involved a car accident.

As people were pulling me out of the car, I started panicking and yelling about the baby in the car. (It was always "the baby," not her name, not my baby...) The rescuers would search the car for the carseat and baby and couldn't ever find it. As someone was trying to explain very calmly that they couldn't find the baby or her seat, I would realize that I didn't have her.

I can see the scenario in my head, can't you? I can physically and emotionally feel her pain. I can envision myself waking up from such a dream, as I've had my own.

I didn't dream much of the Munchkin, or adoption in general, until Nicholas arrived. His arrival brought forth a whole new aspect of fear and anxiety that evidently made its way into my dreams. The scariest dream for me involved both Nicholas and the Munchkin.

I was shopping with Nicholas in the buggy. I turned to get something off the shelf, turned back and he was gone. I searched for him. Everywhere. All over the store. In the car. He was simply gone. I filed a report with the police and went home, empty handed. I walked in our front door, head down, to hear voices. I looked up to see Nicholas, sitting on the floor, playing with the Munchkin.

Now if that doesn't smack of fears, loss and wishes that will never come true, I don't know what else does! I remember feeling as though an elephant was sitting on my chest during the dream; the anxiety of having lost Nicholas coupled with the knowledge that I don't parent my daughter was overwhelming. Even finding them, playing together, was emotional for me and I found myself crying when I woke up.

Dreams are tricky, sometimes scary and emotional and almost always confusing. Do you dream about your birth child? Do you dream about adoption? Do you write down your dreams or try to figure them out with help from a friend or book?