Apparently school season is upon us. How this happened and where the majority of summer went, I am not sure. While our home is not involved in the Back to School craze, others are preparing to ship the kids off for another year of learning. As a birth parent in open adoption, that can present an interesting situation. While adoptive parents face the question of whether or not to discuss their child's adoption with the teacher and/or classroom, birth parents involved in fully open adoptions are often facing a similar type of discussion.

I posed the question on the forums after reading an adoptive parent's version of it elsewhere. I was genuinely curious: Do other birth parents in fully open adoptions tell their parented child's teacher(s) about the sibling that was placed for adoption. More over, how is such a conversation handled?

Just thinking about such a discussion makes my toenails curl. As birth parents are still quick to be stereotypes with any number of unruly characteristics and while open adoption is still fraught with such controversy, placing myself on the judging block when first meeting someone isn't exactly my cup of tea. And yet, the realization I have come to is that this situation isn't exactly about me and my comfort zone: it's about my parented child(ren) and the respect that they want their family to have from other people.

For example, if I neglect to tell the teacher that Nicholas has an older sister (at all, without clarification of any kind) and he begins talking about said sister, the teacher might think that my son is lying and could venture far enough to say something like, "No, Nicholas, you don't have a sister." I'm sorry, but I would rather be poked in the eyes with hot needles than have someone tell my son that he doesn't have a sister. HE DOES HAVE A SISTER. And so, keeping in mind that I wanted to avoid an adult of authority negating my son's love for his sister, I asked others what to do.

Thankfully another birth mother has had experience with this topic and was actually dropping her son off for his first day of school on the day that I posed the question. She does, in fact, alert the teacher to the fact that there is another sibling in the picture and contact is had via open adoption. How she handled the conversation gave me a guide as to how I might handle the same or similar ones in the future.

I started with "Jerrett has a sister, she lives in ___ and her name is ___ we visit/communicate often, so if you hear him talk about a sister, that's who he's talking about" She kinda looked confused (I likely could have just left it at that...ya know, with all the mixed families/ parents who remarry and have other families) but I opted NOT to.

I said, "___ is 11, I placed her for adoption at birth. We've got an open adoption, so like I said, we see a lot of each other".

Thankfully, the teacher had a positive response after she learned about the adoption. The truth remains that some might not and, even though we might then be out of our comfort zone, gentle and brief education might be necessary. An adverse reaction might be met with a statement like, "While it's not a co-parenting type of relationship, the makeup is very similar to any other blended family out there. We're unique in some ways and very similar in others." Practicing for such a conversation could help remind you of what you want to say prior to being thrown into the fires of conversation!

I, personally, will be planning for future conversations of this type. How about you? Have you had to have conversations like this with your parented child's teachers? Or did you elect not to do so? Why or why not?

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For more, read:

1. Handling Uncomfortable Conversations.

2. Stupid Things People Say in Adoption.

3. Opportunities to Educate Others About Adoption.

4. Or join in the forum conversation: Should You Tell Your Kids' Teacher He/She Has an Adopted (Out) Sibling.

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