Comments on: Disappearing Birth Moms http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/disappearing-birth-moms A blog for and about parents who have placed a child for adoption. Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:02:45 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: John http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/disappearing-birth-moms/comment-page-1#comment-277 John Wed, 09 May 2007 02:01:14 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/06/disappearing-birth-moms#comment-277 Belkins, that stinks. It is hard to imagine a reason not to at least exchange information. I am amazed at the number of states that do not recognize open agreements as enforceable. The child does need to know about you. Any possibility of using an intermediary to make the requests, and follow up if it doesn't happen? Belkins, that stinks. It is hard to imagine a reason not to at least exchange information. I am amazed at the number of states that do not recognize open agreements as enforceable. The child does need to know about you. Any possibility of using an intermediary to make the requests, and follow up if it doesn’t happen?

]]> By: belkins http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/disappearing-birth-moms/comment-page-1#comment-276 belkins Tue, 08 May 2007 15:56:49 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/06/disappearing-birth-moms#comment-276 I am a first mother and there is a large segment of women who placed their children in "open" adoptions my daughter being one of them, that never get contact period for no reason given just that they can. Adoptive parents once the ink is dry have all the power we can be lied to, given misinformation, but that is too bad for us. We get treated like common criminals if we even ask for pictures and things that were agreed to and that is the saddest part of the whole picture. We who just want to know our children are ok and happy cannot get the pictures, updates, visits or whatever else is promised even if we do all that is required of us to get those privileges. I wish someone could tell me how an adoptive parent after 8 years in good conscience can keep denying a birth parent or natural parent the right to know about their own child especially since it is in the best interest of the child? I am a first mother and there is a large segment of women who placed their children in “open” adoptions my daughter being one of them, that never get contact period for no reason given just that they can. Adoptive parents once the ink is dry have all the power we can be lied to, given misinformation, but that is too bad for us. We get treated like common criminals if we even ask for pictures and things that were agreed to and that is the saddest part of the whole picture. We who just want to know our children are ok and happy cannot get the pictures, updates, visits or whatever else is promised even if we do all that is required of us to get those privileges. I wish someone could tell me how an adoptive parent after 8 years in good conscience can keep denying a birth parent or natural parent the right to know about their own child especially since it is in the best interest of the child?

]]> By: Jan Baker http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/disappearing-birth-moms/comment-page-1#comment-275 Jan Baker Tue, 08 May 2007 06:07:05 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/06/disappearing-birth-moms#comment-275 I have to say John that I certainly understand why your sons are not wanting much contact. Of course, the frequency of contact has to do with what the birth parents are like a great deal.<br /> <br /> Nice to know that your therapist agrees with me! You are fortunate to have a good adoption therapist - there are not that many around.<br /> I have to say John that I certainly understand why your sons are not wanting much contact. Of course, the frequency of contact has to do with what the birth parents are like a great deal.

Nice to know that your therapist agrees with me! You are fortunate to have a good adoption therapist – there are not that many around.

]]> By: John http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/disappearing-birth-moms/comment-page-1#comment-274 John Mon, 07 May 2007 20:00:35 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/06/disappearing-birth-moms#comment-274 Jan, nice post. My position was yes for limited contact throughout childhood, but wait till 18 for frequent contact. Parenting is a balancing act. Too much protection can damage the child just like too little. <br /> <br /> Two other points of view: My boys, who just might be influenced by me, are adamant that getting to have frequent contact and then ending it is bad (they lived through abandonment). The Therapist that I have used for the past 12 years is just as adamant that, as you said, the damage from abandonment loss does not dictate limiting contact. He has extensive experience working with adoptive families and kids. John Jan, nice post. My position was yes for limited contact throughout childhood, but wait till 18 for frequent contact. Parenting is a balancing act. Too much protection can damage the child just like too little.

Two other points of view: My boys, who just might be influenced by me, are adamant that getting to have frequent contact and then ending it is bad (they lived through abandonment). The Therapist that I have used for the past 12 years is just as adamant that, as you said, the damage from abandonment loss does not dictate limiting contact. He has extensive experience working with adoptive families and kids. John

]]> By: Coley S. http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/disappearing-birth-moms/comment-page-1#comment-273 Coley S. Mon, 07 May 2007 16:09:46 +0000 http://birth-first.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/06/disappearing-birth-moms#comment-273 Well said Jan! Well said Jan!

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