We all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday’s, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one…whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the ‘difficult’ dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those ‘difficult’ dates.
After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that I was not. Although it was the best thing for him, I still had the pain. I missed all the first’s that are so special, and Holidays…I reminded myself of these things daily. Why? Because it’s part of the process of healing?? I eventually grew num to the dates and tried to block it out of my mind. It wasn’t until my husband and I had our first son, Daniel, and his very first birthday rolled around that I found myself on my knees weeping. This is what all the ‘first’s’ felt like! I remember calling the adoptive parents just to hear their voice and tell them how lucky Will was to have them…and now how lucky I was to have my Daniel. My point to you is this, there are going to be ‘day’s like this’ when you will feel the sting of whatever today represents to you. Think of the good and the ‘WOW’ of those dates, it will comfort you more than the ‘OWW’.
I say to you, my birth mother friends, remember the joy and the happiness you have provided not only your child but the parents that longed for them. When those dates roll around, keep your chin held high because you, my friend, made a huge impact in more ways than one.
Today, I am smiling on a day that used to bring me big tears. It’s my dear father’s birthday, who passed away when I was pregnant with my second son. Day’s like these would remind me of what I am missing out on, what he is missing out on, and even sadder what my children are missing out on. You know you are getting to a place of healing and strength when days that once paralyzed you make you smile. Happy birthday Daddy!! (ok maybe just one tear )