Dawn – Some Adoptive Mom Perspective

Dawn, adoptive mom blogger, has been mentioned on our adoption.com blogs in the past, and I venture to say that she will again. She makes so much sense, that is part of why many of us admire her writing. The statement below in her latest blog really struck me.

The decision is NOT “who will be the best parent to this child” (because there’s no way of knowing) the decision is “am I ready, willing and able to do this?” It’s not “am I MORE ready, MORE willing, MORE able to do this.”

Here is the link for the rest of the post post.

This comment of hers nearly dazzles me for its simple clarity and near brillant insight. Have you heard of advising a young pregnant woman trying to decide between parenting and adoption to make two lists of what each set of parents can offer a child? Think about it, the potential adoptive parents will nearly also win in this kind of list-making project.

“Dear Birthmother” letters are now a marketable entity. Some potential adoptive parents pay companies money to help them spin their perfect lives in a way to sound like ideal parents. Their artful profiles will always win out over a young pregnant woman’s woefully short list.

Let’s see, what will her list say? I love and want my baby. I am the mother that God intended for my baby, otherwise he would have implanted it elsewhere? This baby is my own flesh and blood and I have fallen in love with it while carrying it? What else can she say in her own behalf about why she “deserves” the chance to raise her own child? She probably does not have a charming spacious house, or take trip to exotic vacation spots. What does she have to offer?

The point is not who has the most to offer a baby or child. Adoption should not be a challenge or race, with the best family as the winner of the baby. Home studies can gauge whether a family home is safe, whether parents appear to be decent caring people who can provide financially for a child. Beyond that, a home study cannot predict the future of a family and their ability to succeed at parenting. Absent any obvious signs that a young woman is incapable of parenting, she should not be asked to “prove” her worthiness to parent. She should be encouraged and given as much support as possible to parent her child.

If she is considering adoption, it may just mean that she is insecure, unsure of herself and needs some support. If might just mean that she loves and wants the best for her child. Maybe not, it could be that all the support in the world will not convince her that she can or wants to parent, and then adoption might be the best solution.

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