Now Anna Mae, who turns 8 later this month, could soon be taken from the only family she has ever known and returned to her biological parents.

Children being returned to their first/birth parents is rare enough that it makes the news when it does occur. This story is no exception. It is of interest to me as well because it happened in the town where I grew up. It is important to note that an adoption had not occurred. The family raising Anna Mae were her foster parents.

Every so often I try to discuss a story like this one with my husband or someone else - anyone else who is not a birth parent. The reactions are usually identical, although my husband is making progress at getting educated. The first thing out of most people's mouth is often, "Oh, that's so awful, how could take a child from the only family they've ever known?"

I have grown to hate that phrase, "the only family the child's ever known." This child had contact with her birth family until something went awry. People look at stories like this one or similar ones and instantly lament about how terrible it is that the child has been with the adoptive family for X number of years, and ask why the bio parents waited so long. Often the birth parents do not wait; some challenge adoptions within days or months.

When I am discussing this type of story with my husband, I point out that in most instances the custody battles begin soon after birth, and drag on for years. It is the fault of the court system, not the birth parents, that these cases take so much time. Attorneys also know that the longer a family has "possession" of a child, the more likely they will retain custody as well. Therefore, they use stalling tactics whenever possible on behalf of adoptive parents.

How often does it happen that when birth parents seek to regain custody of their child, adoptive parents quickly return the child? I imagine some of you all know cases in which this does happen, but it does not get the press coverage. I can not understand why people are so ready to demonize parents for wanting to regain custody of their own child. Nor do I understand why foster or potential adoptive parents allow a case to drag on for years and let the fate of a child hang in limbo? Is it in the child's best interest for a foster adoptive family to refuse to return a child?