I'm going to tread into dangerous waters this morning for the sake of thoughtful discussion. To be honest, I don't have specific opinions on the topic of surrogate mothers and the laws that are starting to pop up around the issue.

This article brings many questions to light. It highlights the fight in Minnesota to make the contract between surrogates and intended parents legally binding. Because of my research in all things adoption and fertility, I have known for a year or two that contracts between such parties are not legally binding in all states (though, right now, I can't locate which states, if any, have passed such laws). The general public can't seem to understand how and why a mother who entered into a contract with a family to carry their child would suddenly "change her mind" and "keep the baby."

One mother, featured in the article, hit on the topic quite succinctly.

"To feel her inside me and moving I bonded with her [...] "

This hit me on many different levels. I understand that statement to the core of my being. While many in the adoption world purposefully downplay the bonding between mother and child during pregnancy, the truth is that for a majority of mothers, it is a time of love and bonding. Some would be quick to argue that in the case of a mother who places her child for adoption, it makes sense that bonding would occur as the child is biologically her own. And, therefore, it doesn't make sense for a surrogate to bond with a child, especially if she was not the one providing the egg as the baby would not be "her own." I find fault with this argument. If adoptive parents can bond with children that are not flush with their genetic makeup, how is a surrogate any different? I would argue that the differences here are minimal.

Surrogate motherhood is not something I could participate in as I simply stink at pregnancy. My days of being a pregnant mother are over and done with, a memory found in photographs, stretch marks and the smiles of my children. I know, like the population of birth mothers, the population of surrogate mothers varies widely. Some are doing this simply to help others, such as friends who carry children for their friends. Some are doing this simply for the money. Some are trying to find meaning in their own lives by providing a service to another family. Whatever the reason, I don't think it removes the complications of emotion and potential bonding for every surrogate mother.

I don't know the answers here. I don't really enjoy the leanings towards baby selling or taking advantage of vulnerable women that are mentioned in the article. I don't know if anything can be done to get away from those facts and tendencies. Right now, as they stand, I'm not sure this practice could ever be fully ethical. And knowing that there are surrogates out there that hurt like I hurt makes me sad beyond measure.

As a birth parent, how does this topic make you feel?

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For more commentary on other newsworthy topics pertaining to birth parents and adoption, read these posts.




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