I'm giving a presentation on blogging birth mothers this weekend at the University of Pittsburgh (more tomorrow!) and I'm a nervous wreck. You see, I don't really have a problem with public speaking or reading. I majored in broadcast communications in college. I'm used to proper inflection and reading from a prompter (which can go really fast when someone messes up!). I'm not specifically used to a crowd of people but, alas, I think I'll just focus on my Husband's head. Hopefully he listens and sits in the middle of the back of the room.

No, the speaking part doesn't have me all worked up. It's the whole idea of talking about birth mothers, as a birth mother, while 32 weeks, 6 days pregnant.

As Coley and I discussed in the comments of one of her recent posts, those untouched by adoption and, sadly, some who should know better, can automatically assume that once a mother places a child she either can't or shouldn't raise any subsequent children, regardless of changed environments and situations or amount of planning that went into the pregnancy. Along with those assumptions can come some pretty nasty comments! While I've never been given an off-color comment in a face-to-face setting, I have received one in a chat room. And it stung just as much as if the guy had been sitting in my living room.

What's behind some of these comments? While each nasty commenter probably has their own issues regarding adoption, pregnancy and parenting, I think you can safely say that there are some similarities from dumb commenter to dumb commenter. For example, the majority of these people are going to be uneducated as to what a birth parent is really like. They are probably stuck believing long-standing stereotypes.

Others may have a case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. Some people really shouldn't speak before they think through their words with great examination. You know the kind of people I'm talking about; the ones who say something and don't realize for awhile, if ever, that what they've said is entirely inappropriate.

Still others may have personal issues that are clouding their ability to recognize an expectant mother, no matter her status in the adoption world, as a beautiful blessing. Things like jealousy over the ease to get pregnant, anger over their own inability to get pregnant or a fevered desire to adopt no matter the cost may cause someone waiting to adopt to say something totally off the wall.

So, what should you say if you're approached by someone who is asking who will parent this baby? Or if you're giving him up for adoption? Or says something nasty about keeping your legs closed? You can go one of many routes. You can be snarky and say something extremely witty. Of course, this is not always an optimal choice as it doesn't help promote awareness or change minds about birth parents. Then again, some questions don't deserve proper explanation. (The legs closed one? Yeah.) You can use the opportunity to educate the person by explaining that birth parents are not unfit because they placed one child. Give other examples. If someone actually asks you if you are willing to place your baby with them or a friend of theirs, you can tell them about the children that are currently waiting in foster care. The possibilities are endless.

The point? Don't let others' lack of education or total lack of manners make you feel like you aren't worthy to be pregnant or parent the child within your womb. You are worthy. You will make a great mom. You are not totally defined by your status as a birth mother. You are many other things as well, many of them totally awesome. (Or, at least this paragraph is what I'm repeating to myself all weekend through our presentation.)

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For more, read:

1. Call for Birth Mom Bloggers! HELP!

2. Hiccups.

3. The Shape of a Birth Mother.

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