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07/20/07

Choosing Your Battles

Posted by : Jan Baker in Birth-First Parent Blog at 01:52 am , 381 words, 132 views
Categories: Things to Think About

There are many focuses to devote one’s attention to in adoption. Sometimes we become frustrated because our priorities (or battles) differ from those of another person. As committed as we are to our special focus, we may not understand or accept why someone else has a different place to focus their attention.

If our focus seems the most important one to us, we might think everyone should concentrate on the same issue. And yet, I wonder sometimes. Don’t we need different people to focus on different areas in adoption?

I suppose the problem is that sometimes we believe that what someone else aims to promote is in opposition to our believes. For instance, the more adoptions vs. reform issue is the perfect example.

Few people dispute the fact that there are children in orphanages or foster care that need homes. Likewise most reasonable people are aware of some of the flaws in adoption that need some work. However, are these two views at loggerheads with each other?

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In some minds criticizing adoption equates to less homes for children. The other side of the coin is that by condoning or ignoring bad practices and encouraging less stringent requirements to adopt, we may be accepting less suitable adoptive parents for our children.

Both sides of this debate are equally convinced of the merits of their positions. We must focus our energies where our hearts take us. Our passion and drive to advocate for our positions is intertwined with our heart-felt positions.

We see the two sides of the coin in adoption and are propelled by what we see. You see the joy; I see the pain. Yet, you know that there is some pain in adoption, and I know that there is some joy.

Neither of us is all right or all wrong. We do need more adoption for children who are already in the system. And,I think the best way to find more homes for children who need them is to improve adoption's reputation.

Our hearts leads us in different directions and we pick our battles based on our experiences, and those triad members that we meet along the way. Can we work together or not?

Further Reading:

Taking Care of You

Picking my Battles

Photo by Jan Baker 2007

1 comment

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member]

· http://international.adoptionblogs.com/

It seems one way to work toward working together may be to forego the fringes and focus on the center.

Yes, we all come from different perspectives, but when the approach toward areas of agreement ... and there are many ... is sidetracked by extreme views, many stop in their tracks and dig in.

The 'out there on the fringes' folks are few and far between, but they're obstreperous and demanding. Too often people leaning toward their views encourage them to take over the conversation, or vehemently discourage any critical analysis, thereby aligning themselves with those who may only be in the conversation to highjack it for their own limited purposes.

I think it's up to all of us to remain true to our focus ... our battle ... and 'fight' it on our own terms, rather than relinquish control to others who have no intention of working WITH anyone.

If we can do this, it seems to me that it will be much easier to find a middle ground that's not a battle ground, but a place where we can appreciate each other's experience and work together for the mutual benefit of all.

Permalink 07/20/07 @ 01:54