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As a new birth parent, you might be looking for a way to symbolically show your child’s transition from one family to another family. In today’s era of open adoptions, many families choose to have a ceremony to celebrate the transition.
Celebrate, of course, is a difficult word to use for the birth family. For birth families, the transition from one family to the other means that they have just endured a deep loss. The loss of a child, even in an allegedly voluntary situation like newborn relinquishment, is difficult at best. Finding a way to acknowledge the loss while celebrating the new life can be difficult.
One type of ceremony is called an Entrustment Ceremony. It can be held in the home of either part of the adult triad, a park, a church or even at the hospital. During an Entrustment Ceremony, the losses and gains are both acknowledged, embracing the past and the future together. Some ideas for the ceremony involve each participant vocalizing a wish for the child in the future. Tears are allowed and, really, to be expected.
There is another ceremony, started by the NACAC in 1999. It’s called the Candle Ceremony. It involves four candles and can be used as a version of the Entrustment Ceremony or on a finalization of adoption date or even the child’s first birthday. The first candle is lit for the birth family as a way of acknowledging the separation from the child’s first family. It is a time to give thanks for that birth family and acknowledge the part they have played in the child’s life. The second candle is for the adopted child or adult, celebrating their presence in the family. The third candle is to honor the adoptive parents for their commitment to the child and to the process of parenting. They have suggested that the fourth candle is for those who are still waiting to be parents. However, I have also heard (and prefer) that it be lighted for the older children who are still awaiting forever families by adoption.
Families with religious ties have asked their Pastor to baptize the child before handing him over to the adoptive family. It should be discussed upon and agreed prior to showing up at the church, however, as families of different religions or even denominations may not approve of such a thing.
In the end, you don’t have to do something overly formal. Many find, however, that their participation in such a formal transition helps them come to terms with the relinquishment in a much more timely fashion.
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