Before I came out of the birth mother closet, I thought adoption was relatively rare and touched only some few families. How wrong I was! Until I began telling my birth mother story to others, no one mentioned the adoptions within their extended families. Once I began talking about adoption. the floodgates opened up and it seemed nearly everyone had some adoption within their families.

Mindy, a friend that I reconnected with about six years ago is the only adoptive mom that I have gotten to know in person. We have known each other for over twenty years and I knew her before she and her husband adopted their children. I was the first person who babysat for them after their adoption.

Mindy found her children's birth mother on the registry at reunite.com. Their birth mother had been registered there for over 3 years wanting to find her children. Mindy and I reconnected at a time that adoption was coming to the forefront of both our lives. My son found me shortly after we got back in touch with each other, and her son had begun to have some serious issues that she felt were related to his adoption. Since we work on the same street, several blocks apart, we walk once a week at lunch time. Adoption is a subject that comes up a lot and it has helped us both to see "the other side."

Yesterday, Mindy sent me an email that she had sent to her children's birth mother. Here is a portion of that email:

Having a birth mom for a close friend, I've heard how difficult Mother's Day can be for some birth moms.

So from my viewpoint, I'd like you to know, I feel grateful that you were already searching for the kids. Some adopted children go searching, only to get rejected again by their bio-parents, who won't have any contact or are in other ways hurtful...Although I had my own fears about sharing Mother's Day myself, it seems to me there is enough love to go around, it doesn't get depleted by having more family.

Although Mindy is my age, she waited much longer to become a parent than I did. Consequently, her daughter is about my oldest grandson's age, and we used to do things together with her children and my grandson when they were younger.

Mindy is a truly good person. She and her husband have doted on their children and have been through a lot with them, especially their son. Their children were 18 months and 5 years old when they were adopted through the foster care system. The first five years of their son's life took its toll on him, and he is still struggling. However, he got a good job recently, and we are all hoping that he will keep this one for awhile and is ready to begin on a better path.

Further Reading:

Breaking the Silence.

Fathers & Sons.

Photo by Jan Baker 2007