Birth Parents Blog, First Parents Blog - Can Adoptive and Birth Moms Be Friends?

12/11/06

Can Adoptive and Birth Moms Be Friends?

Posted by : Jenna Hatfield in Birth-First Parent Blog at 11:45 pm , 267 words, 137 views
Categories: With the Adoptive Parents

We're living proof.

Things we like: beaches. Naps but staying up late. Guitar Hero even though we're way above the target demographic. Christina Aguilera. Musicals. Reading. Books in general. Babywearing! Laughing. Really crude humor shows on HBO that get cancelled even though we practically peed our pants while watching them. Computers. Nerdy stuff. America's Next Top Model. Tyra Banks. Angelina Joelie. Celebrity gossip. When our Husbands listen. (HA!)

Being close to family. When our children sleep at the same time on long car rides. When we say things wrong so that it makes a funny word. IM-ing each other from laptops as we sit in the same room. Animals. Disney movies. OMG, shopping.

Traveling. Traveling together. Learning new things. Learning new things about each other. About adoption. About parenting. Iced tea. Tiffany's. Watching our children experience new things for the first time. PHOTOGRAPHY. Her gorgeous new Canon Rebel. *drool* Giving gifts.

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Watching the three kids interact. Birthdays. Holidays. Did I mention naps?

Visits. Late nights. Walks. Long talks. iPods! Laughing at our hair in the 90's. And our clothes. And our taste in music. (NKOTB!) Scrapbooking. Olive Garden. ...

The list goes on. Our relationship, though initiated by her existence, doesn't solely revolve around the Munchkin. I love D for who she is as a person, not just because she's my daughter's Mom. We enjoy similar things. We laugh at the same random things. We bonded because of adoption. But we stay bonded because we are friends.

Today is now the 12th of December. Look for things to get a bit heavy here in the next two days.

15 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://unplanned-pregnancy.adoptionblogs.com/

I agree, they can be friends! I consider Charlie's Mom a close friend and almost like a big sister.

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 00:06

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

See, D isn't my big sister. She's only four years older than me. There's not a "big" or "little" feeling between us. We're just friends.

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 05:36

Comment from: JudyK [Member]

· http://justenjoyhim.wordpress.com/

Love the picture. Love the post. Love the love. :D

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 07:25

Comment from: vbigelow [Member]

I can't imagine.

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 20:39

Comment from: Laura Christianson [Member]

· http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/

My older son's birth mom and I have become the best of friends over the past 14 years. I don't know what I'd do without her!

I consider my younger son's birth mom a friend, as well, even though we don't see each other as often.

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 20:47

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Can't imagine what?

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 21:02

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Very cool, Laura. :) Minus my Husband who does, of course, win the BEST friend status, my two best friends are my college roommate and D. Without the two of them... I just wouldn't be who I am today. :)

Very cool indeed! Thanks for chiming in!!!

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 21:15

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://open.adoptionblogs.com

Gotcha, there's more years between A and I so probably more of why I feel like she is a big sister... Plus it revolves around our "sisters in spirit" saying which I'll explain one day... LOL

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 21:18

Comment from: vbigelow [Member]

JH: I cannot imagine such a friendship between the AP and Bmom. Frankly, it gives me an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. No, I am not a psycho, so don't write me off as one just because I shared some very powerful feelings.

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 05:35

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

That's a shame and quite judgemental. I'm glad I don't have your biased point of view. I never would have met quite an amazing bunch of people. :)

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 06:23

Comment from: logan05 [Member]

Its a specail bond that rarely people ger to see or understand. Thanks for making me realize that its okay to think of my son's adoptive mom as my friend. Makes it a littler easier for me. Thank you.

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 08:37

Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

No prob, Logan. It was a weird transition of thought for me as well when I realized that we thought of each other as more than just birth and adoptive moms to the same child... but that we were friends. :) I'm glad that we are.

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 08:38

Comment from: JudyK [Member]

· http://justenjoyhim.wordpress.com/

V, Jenna's and D's relationship is an inspiration. And I have to say that I agree with Jenna -- it's unfortunate to discount a whole section of the population just because they're adoptive mothers or just because they're birth mothers. Is it really much different than discounting a whole section of the population because of the color of their skin or because of their religion?

We have much to learn from each other, adoptive mothers and birth mothers. And those who benefit the most from these friendships are our children. It would be a shame for the relationships not to exist.

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 11:35

Comment from: vbigelow [Member]

I think it's quite judgmental to discount my feelings. I am a birthmother (36 1/2 years) who has met her son's APs and who feels nothing but resentment. I have met many, many bmoms and APs over the years and my opinion is not baseless.

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 19:56

Comment from: thomasina [Member]

I agree that vbigelow should be allowed her feelings and opinions. She is, afterall, a birthmother, too.

Permalink 12/15/06 @ 20:42

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